On this esteemed ferry boat, I sit inside, rather than on the roof. In my backpack is some brie that I bought at Zabar’s. Yes, call me one bourgeois motherfucker and I don’t care. That shit is going into my mouth tonight. The point is, it’s stinking up everything around me. People probably think that I just shat in my pants. Do you think anybody has ever taken a shit in their pants on the Yankee bench? Maybe Billy Martin on a drunk? Has anyone ever eaten brie in the clubhouse? I miss the real Yankees. I miss the 20th century sometimes.
To commemorate the 2025 Yankees... This Haiku will be constructed as if by Brain Cashman and Hal With lots of parts used wrong and that make no sense and don't belong. In a Haiku. Including too many lines and too many beats. With words like forsooth, and hither, that are old and shouldn't be used anymore. This Haiku sucks. And so do the Yankees. Aaron Boone says this Haiku was actually pretty good. Just a couple of things that need some work.
I think you have to send this haiku to the injured list for a few weeks. Please give us a report soon on how it’s doing. In the meantime, we have got some retread haikus that we signed real cheap two days ago that we can stick in here.
"The Marlins have more home runs with players in scoring position than the Yankees. New York's slugging percentage in such situations dips from .451 to .407 -- good for 13th in MLB. It's also 140 points below the Dodgers' mark.”
Amazing that Grisham is still playing. He is a lifetime, part-time player with a .216 BA. This year, he got off to an amazing, hot start...and has been in freewill for over a month, his average dropping from .326 to .243.
Time to thank him very much for those April/early May hits, put him back on the bench, and play the guy the Yankees continue to insist is a superstar in the making.
This is Baseball 101. It's not very hard to understand. Except in Yankeeland.
Nice job, 999...except, Boone is probably NOT in a tizzy. I don't think anything gets him that excited. Which is probably a nice, easy-going way to live. Just doesn't produce (m)any championships.
With all due respect (tons) Hoss, I saw Boone in a bit of a tizzy just the other day during his post-gum slinging, post-game pressah. He was one direct, critical question away from a full on tizzy-hissy meltdown. Twitchy, blinky and filled with unresolved tension and anger......the man wasn't breathing and his eyes were this close (can you see my fingers?) from popping out of their sockets.
So boone, who secretly reads this blog, has taken Duque’s advice from this morning and is batting Dominguez lead-off. Worth a try, let him run, and let’s see what happens
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Running dog Yankee
ReplyDeleteImperalists shit on
All of us who care,
The way out is through.
ReplyDeleteHal must commit Seppuku
So that we can rise.
👏👏👏👏
DeleteIn the dusty Bronx
ReplyDeleteLie the ghosts of Yankees past.
Waiting for a sign.
Brilliant, Bitty! I love it.
Delete2025 is just
ReplyDelete'24, '22, and
Also '21
Yes, I am on the east River ferry with my Bicycle, contemplating the fog over that tidal estuary called “the east river.“
ReplyDeleteOn this esteemed ferry boat, I sit inside, rather than on the roof. In my backpack is some brie that I bought at Zabar’s. Yes, call me one bourgeois motherfucker and I don’t care. That shit is going into my mouth tonight. The point is, it’s stinking up everything around me. People probably think that I just shat in my pants. Do you think anybody has ever taken a shit in their pants on the Yankee bench? Maybe Billy Martin on a drunk? Has anyone ever eaten brie in the clubhouse? I miss the real Yankees. I miss the 20th century sometimes.
ReplyDeleteNo Brie in my Jeans
DeleteThat's triple cream in my pack
Stinking up my back
I do, too, Bitty. And...it was such a rotten century. All the killings and hatred. But...good for the Yankees!
Delete
DeleteIt's from whence we sprang, Hoss.
To commemorate the 2025 Yankees...
ReplyDeleteThis Haiku will be constructed as if by Brain Cashman and Hal
With lots of parts used wrong and that make no sense and don't belong.
In a Haiku.
Including too many lines and too many beats.
With words like forsooth, and hither,
that are old and shouldn't be used anymore.
This Haiku sucks. And so do the Yankees.
Aaron Boone says this Haiku was actually pretty good.
Just a couple of things that need some work.
I think you have to send this haiku to the injured list for a few weeks. Please give us a report soon on how it’s doing. In the meantime, we have got some retread haikus that we signed real cheap two days ago that we can stick in here.
Deletedoes boone have a clue
Deleteall there right in front of us
we are really close
Pretty great, Doug!
DeleteIt’s all right in front them Doug!
DeleteThis just in from ESPN:
ReplyDelete"The Marlins have more home runs with players in scoring position than the Yankees. New York's slugging percentage in such situations dips from .451 to .407 -- good for 13th in MLB. It's also 140 points below the Dodgers' mark.”
And that, fellow thespians, is pathetic
There it goes see ya
ReplyDeleteToo many solo home runs
Yankees disappoint
Not my place to Judge
ReplyDeleteMy grudge is they trudge through sludge
And Boone has no BRAINS!
Amazing that Grisham is still playing. He is a lifetime, part-time player with a .216 BA. This year, he got off to an amazing, hot start...and has been in freewill for over a month, his average dropping from .326 to .243.
ReplyDeleteTime to thank him very much for those April/early May hits, put him back on the bench, and play the guy the Yankees continue to insist is a superstar in the making.
This is Baseball 101. It's not very hard to understand. Except in Yankeeland.
It would be so much easier to play JD every day if the rest of the lineup was producing!
DeleteThey can’t hit, can’t run
ReplyDeleteBoone is in a tizzy
June swoon all month long!
Probably the first time I ever wrote the word “tizzy”
Deletenow you've written it twice
DeleteCan’t stop, AA!
DeleteNice job, 999...except, Boone is probably NOT in a tizzy. I don't think anything gets him that excited. Which is probably a nice, easy-going way to live. Just doesn't produce (m)any championships.
ReplyDelete
DeleteWith all due respect (tons) Hoss, I saw Boone in a bit of a tizzy just the other day during his post-gum slinging, post-game pressah. He was one direct, critical question away from a full on tizzy-hissy meltdown. Twitchy, blinky and filled with unresolved tension and anger......the man wasn't breathing and his eyes were this close (can you see my fingers?) from popping out of their sockets.
Hoss: ✅
DeleteSo boone, who secretly reads this blog, has taken Duque’s advice from this morning and is batting Dominguez lead-off. Worth a try, let him run, and let’s see what happens
ReplyDeleteLet’s hope Boone quotes from one of Bitty’s earlier Haikus during his pre and postgame performance
DeleteAre we going to score a run?
ReplyDeleteWell, that’s about 1000 straight innings without scoring one.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the backup catcher Escarra will hit it out when he pinch hits in the eighth
Perhaps Warren should grab a bat….
ReplyDeleteHAL has sent the directive to not waste baseballs.
ReplyDeleteThe ball must stay in play for several innings. The accountant estimates this will save $137 yearly. An obvious win-win.
Mrs. Teasdale asked if I wanted to watch the game. I just looked at her. She then said, "you're disgusted with them aren't you?"
ReplyDeleteOther than marrying me, she is a wise woman.
Make her a wonderful martini this week
DeleteI will sir!
Delete4-0 is like 53-1 at this point…
ReplyDeleteThis is a flat out embarrassment and disgrace. I’m not joking.
ReplyDeleteNot making excuses (far from it), but this ump is horseshit.
ReplyDeleteI hated the SOB, but sometimes I miss ol’ George. He’d already have someone’s ass by this time.
Boone would have been fired six times already - and not rehired once…
DeleteSw000000000n
ReplyDeleteThis patch has gotten really really rough.
ReplyDeleteThe last AB by Judge was horseshit.
ReplyDeleteNow they’re in a hurry to get out of there apparently…
Face facts, they suck.
ReplyDeleteThe Yankeez lost!
ReplyDeleteThey are who we thought they were.
ReplyDeleteFrom Ma Gurrl Katie Sharp
ReplyDelete“ The only team to win the World Series in the same season that they were shut out in 3 straight regular games was the 1913 Philadelphia A's.”
Just in case you were getting your hope up.
Maybe we should change the weekly ritual to "Hari-Kiri Tuesdays"
ReplyDeleteWith all due credit to Mr. bit.
1913 !!!!
ReplyDeleteDespicable.
ReplyDeleteI will point out that I predicted 78 wins and now I'm starting to think I was too optimistic.
ReplyDelete"Hold on tight to your Dream"
DeleteI predicted 66 wins...and I'm not conceding anything yet.
ReplyDeleteI predicted that I would see David Byrne perform live again - and I will.
Delete