In about three weeks - a few catastrophic storms, celebrity breakups and ICE atrocities - pitchers and catchers will report to civilization, and the Big Yankee Wheel will begin to grind, anew.
It would be wonderous to think that, over those three weeks, the Yankees would spend some leftover grist to improve - rather than recreate - last year's first-runner-up contestant. Why kid ourselves?
The Yankees will decamp to Tampa with the same basic lineup that finished second last year and was blown out by Toronto every time they faced off. This team is weaker, due to the shredded bullpen. Instead of Luke Weaver and Devin Williams, the Yankees will trot out Caleb Ort and a Rule 5 pick named Cade Winquest. (You can't make this up.) Moreover, once they lose a pitcher or two in spring training - (Fun Fact: they always do) - the A.I. system that runs them will start shouting "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
The remaining question is not whether Cooperstown Cashman will remake this team, but what he'll do to it by chasing his "great white whale," the starting pitcher who could carry this team into October. Maybe he'll trade The Martian. Maybe Spencer Jones, or one of our four prospects recently named on Baseball America's Top 100:
George Lombard Jr., (#46) shortstop who will make us forget Anthony Volpe.
Elmer Rodriguez (#59) fireballer who will make us forget Carlos Narvaez (Redsock catcher we traded for him.)
Dax Kilby (#61) last year's 1st round pick, who hit well at Single A, who will make us forget George Lombard Jr.
Carlos Lagrange (#93), who hits 100 mph on the jugs gun, and who will make us forget - um - can't remember.
The list of Cashman's pitching failures spans the eras of Kevin Brown and Javier Vasquez all the way to Sonny Gray and Nathan Eovaldi, with a few Michael Pinedas and Ian Kennedys to thicken the broth. It's an impressive list of failures, a chronicle of our misfortunes.
He's got three weeks to trade young for old. The Yankee way. We've got three weeks to live in fear. Get low and stay away from windows. Won't be long.
Dumb clucks.
ReplyDeleteCuck ducks.
ReplyDeleteYuck fucks.
ReplyDeleteDumb schmucks.
ReplyDeleteNo Cfucks
ReplyDeleteWill these four prospects make the roster. I doubt it. Lombard Jr. hits. 230 at AA. I think that does not equate to a respectable batting average in the majors.
ReplyDelete"Dax Kilby (#61) last year's 1st round pick, who hit well at Single A, who will make us forget George Lombard Jr."
ReplyDeleteGood one.
The hype machine is already at work on it.
DeleteAug. 21st is Spencer Jones Golden Sombrero Night. ALL FANS (14 and under) will receive a commemorative replica sombrero, sponsored by ICE. Be sure to bring at least 2 proofs of citizenship, or it’s Adios!
ReplyDeleteNew power rankings from BR: We're number 5!!
ReplyDeleteThe reasoning is hillarious, though. "the Yankees have avoided getting worse this offseason."
Never before have I heard such a ringing endorsement of a front office.
That's a low bar, indeed. Remember when the dynasty teams strove to improve every year, even when they won the Series? That's because they wanted to win. This owner and GM don't care about winning.
Delete
Delete🤑
I used to think, on the Yankees since 2009: "Well, it sux, but it can't last too much longer."
ReplyDeleteNow, at age 72, I think: "Well, the Yankees suck, but I can't last too much longer."
There are ways out of this. . . .
When do we start the betting pool the first pitcher who "felt a little tight after two pitches" so we're going to rest him a few days a wait and see? Until two and a half months later he'll have TJ and we hope to get him back better than ever for the (nonexistent) 2027 playoffs!
ReplyDeleteThe date of the BooneCash (pronounced "bunkum") quote, not the name of the pitcher--that would be cruel even for me.
I, for one, can't wait until the day when Dax Kilby and Jaxon Dart are dominating NYC sports.
ReplyDeleteAs for Lombard Junior...yeah, I dunno. Seems to take him 1 1/2-2 years to conquer each level of play. At that rate, he should be ready for the majors around 2028. By that time, even Cashman might have given up on Volpe.
I just can't believe that this year will be a Groundhog Day version of last year. But maybe it'll be worse. Who knows?
ReplyDeleteIt will be worse, Bitty.
DeleteSorta like . . . .
Watching Groundhog Day upon it's initial release in the theaters.
Imagine the film jams and burns up on screen during the second encounter with Ned. Lights come up and everyone is told the movie will not continue and re-entry passes will be available in the lobby. But they run out of passes by the time you get there and are told to come back to the theater the next day when more will be available. Walking outside with your date you find there's a huge winter ice storm going on. Your date slips in the crosswalk, falls and slides under a speeding cab that severs her in half. You recoil in horror thinking, "There goes my second re-entry pass !"
That's what the 2026 New York Yankees season is going to be like.