Monday:
A team spokesman confirmed that veteran LF Bob Terwilliger lost his cell phone after a brief fracas Sunday. A clubhouse official said the device will "turn up somewhere.” Terwilliger, who refuses to talk with reporters, declined comment.
Backup catcher Manny Estrada says he won’t make the sign of the cross before at-bats in upcoming exhibition games. “It’s just spring,” the former Brewer says. “If this were the regular season, I’d be praying.”
Lefty specialist Al Carter has a big, festering pimple on his hip, which teammates find disquieting. "That's why we wear pants," he said yesterday. According to ESPN's Skippy Worth, Carter plans to get his teeth cleaned, which will be a first.
Veteran minor leaguer Ange Swink wowed teammates by eating 50 hard-boiled eggs in one half-hour. Last year, Swink missed six weeks after a light bulb exploded in his stomach.
Bob Terwilliger, in day three of his media blackout, missed the team bus and had to walk a half mile to practice. Several reporters said they would have given him a ride, if he’d been willing to ask them.
Wednesday
If you see him, wish Dominican prospect Arlindo Vasquez a happy birthday five
times. His U.S. Visa has been corrected. He’s now 31.
Pitcher Rob Bell says Jesus Christ will return at the all-star break and bring universal judgment to mankind. Bell is recovering from a rattlesnake bite.
Bob Terwilliger’s phone turned up at the media center yesterday. Reporters say Terwilliger can have it... if he asks.
Thursday
First-baseman Hal Grimbel has 3,500 songs on his classic, still-functioning iPod. Word
to the wise: Don’t get him started about the Freelance Whales.
Zeke Paltrow has a slight bruise on his left pinkie. He'll be out until August.
Knuckleballer Geoff Turley got a surprise yesterday. His ex-wife, Trudy, the former Miss Buffalo, said he suffers from severe penile disfunction. Of his ex, Turley said, “Cal Ripken wouldn’t have lasted a week.”
Someone broke into the media center Wednesday and stole Bob Terwilliger’s cell phone, scrawling
obscenities about reporters on the wall.
Friday
Third baseman Robbie Glint recently rented the 2003 movie Dogville, starring Nicole Kidman, and was impressed with the set design and thematic symbols.
Bob Terwilliger has broken his media silence. One day after the outfielder’s cell phone was burglarized from the media tent, a reporter dialed its number, and Terwilliger answered. Asked if he knew Jeffrey Epstein, Terwilliger shouted an obscenity and hung up.
Is Shiffrin the Aaron Judge of slalom, great in the regular season, but then...?
ReplyDeleteDid the gods punish the Quad God for naming himself the Quad God?
Does Lindsay Vonn think she'll ski at the 2030 Games when she and her legs are 45 years old?
Do the US men's and women's curling teams both have a shot at Olympics hardware?
Will their medals break once they get them?
Only Bob Terwilliger knows for sure.
Greg Bird is 31, coming off two good years in the Australian league. He's reportedly signed with a team in the Mexican league for this year, to be closer to his family. If the Yankees can sign him, we'd have two birds in the hand, which would be worth four in the bush (not the Aussie bush).
ReplyDeleteWe must stop normalizing mediocrity and an institutional plan to not compete.
ReplyDeleteConfusion is the new Clarity
ReplyDeleteTrix are for kids
Unless they’re being turned
Mother You had Me
But I never had You
Only you can prevent Forest Fires
My Bologna has a first name
But I’m not allowed to talk about it
People building transportation to serve breakfast.
Delete"Pitcher Rob Bell says Jesus Christ will return at the all-star break and bring universal judgment to mankind. Bell is recovering from a rattlesnake bite."
ReplyDeleteThere is a good scene in the movie "Vanishing Point", the original, I'm talking, not the sequel, where the preacher receives a load of rattlesnakes but then dumps them all on the ground. "Don't need 'em" he says, because they've now got a rock band! Hallelujah! Mayhap Bell was passing by.
"Knuckleballer Geoff Turley got a surprise yesterday. His ex-wife, Trudy, the former Miss Buffalo, said he suffers from severe penile disfunction. Of his ex, Turley said, “Cal Ripken wouldn’t have lasted a week.”
ReplyDeleteHell, I've got to meet this Miss Trudy Buffalo. Holy crap, this sounds like an adventure to make Sir Percival blush.
"Lefty specialist Al Carter has a big, festering pimple on his hip, which teammates find disquieting. "That's why we wear pants," he said yesterday."
ReplyDeleteYou should've seen the pimple on Errol Flynn's knob. According to the coroners, the junior coroner found it so amazing that he excised it and put it into a bottle of formaldehyde. The senior coroner, who must've stepped out for a bit, was horror struck and ordered the junior coroner to put it back. So it was scotch taped back to Flynn's knob. And that's where it was when they committed his mortal remains to the ground at Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery with six bottles of his favorite whiskey.
"If you see him, wish Dominican prospect Arlindo Vasquez a happy birthday five times. His U.S. Visa has been corrected. He’s now 31."
ReplyDeleteThey just gave his 18 year old son 2.6 million dollars because he told the scouts he was 12.