Where would Yankee civilization be without Cam Schlittler?
Third in the AL East? Fourth? Fifth? Leading the Tankathon? Below the Mets? Heading for the exit? Dead?
Imagine replacing his 29 starts - 19 with shutouts or one run allowed - with Elmer Rodriguez, Brendan Beck and/or the cast of Glee. Let's be clear:
We don't wanna think of 2026 without Cam the Man.
He leads the AL in ERA and IP, is second in WHIP and BA, third in Ks. If he doesn't win the Cy Young - hands down, despite the institutional, anti-Yankee bias - we should go Jan. 6 on the voting Gammonites.
Next month, Schlittler pitches Game One of our playoff series, no matter who it's against, and the Yankees have a shot. Doesn't matter if it's Dylan Cease, or Jacob DeGrom, or Sonny Gray. If Schlittler starts, we have a shot.
Last night, he gave us eight, holding the Angels to one run, and we almost blew it, anyway. But if we have Schlittler, we have a puncher's shot.
Other takeaways...
1. Last night, Spencer Jones went 4-for-4 - in Ks. Well, we wuz warned. Jones swings for the glory of all humankind. When he hits them, they reach Vermont. When he misses, Platinum Sombreros.
He remains one of the most entertaining Yankees to watch - that cockeyed stance is fun enough - and I hope he's in CF next month, because Trent 'Davey Lopes" Grisham has blown it. I believe Joe Torre and Joe Girardi would both go with Jones. Boonie? Not so sure.
2. Tampa has a bone-crusher September schedule. Starting tonight...
4 v the Rangers (still in it)
3 v Atlanta
3 v Houston
3 v the A's
3 v the Redsocks
4 v the Yankees (in NY)
3 v the Phillies.
Yikes. Aside from that series against the A's (trap games?), and that's one mutherlovin,' brutal Maxwell House schedule -to the last drop. Meanwhile, the Yankees play the likes of Colorado, the Mets, Arizona and Baltimore.
3. Hot scoop by The Athletic: The Yankees have finally settled on an official tampon. Writes Asli Pelit, wonderfully:
For those of you scoring at home, it is the Sequel brand. I'm sure Food Stamps Hal conducted rigorous quality tests before choosing.
Take that, Tampa.
“Plug . . . it up!”
ReplyDeleteStill don't have a hemorrhoid treatment. Or a rash ointment.
ReplyDeleteIF (big if) they end up tied on the final day of the season, I fully expect idiot Boone to play the 2nd stringers, because the regulars "are due for a day off" and maybe go with an opener as starting pitcher.
ReplyDeleteWhatever AI says
DeleteThe new rallying cry of the Yankees: "Just stop the bleeding!"...
ReplyDelete...And Rufus: no official condom ("The scumbag of the New York Yankees!").
ReplyDeleteNo "personal hygiene," scrotum wet wipes.
No crypto currency.
No official, "Nigerian Prince Rescue Service."
So many opportunities that are being missed here!
Give it time, Hoss…
DeleteI do wonder exactly what Hal "Silver Spoon" Steinbrenner would stop at given the chance to make one more dollar. "Official Arms Merchant of the New York Yankees!" ? "Official Foreign Dictatorship of the New York Yankees!" ? "Official International Terrorist Group of the New York Yankees"?...
ReplyDeleteThe French Foreign Legion: the official shock troop of the New York Yankees. Francais par le sang verse (French by spilled blood). Fight for freedom, defend the innocent, and Vive la France!
Delete"Official Brothel of the New York Yankees"?
ReplyDeleteBigger profit center than the stadium. Added benefit is the mob running it would end up stealing all of HAL's money 💰 😅
DeleteThey already have an Official Brothel of the New York Yankees. It's called The New York Yankees.
DeleteDoug for the win!
DeleteChico's Bail Bonds *NEEDS* to be a sponsor.
ReplyDeleteCam should be close to 20 wins now but receives almost no run support when he pitches. The guy deserves a laugher.
ReplyDeleteAccording to the folks at YES last night, his 19 starts surrendering 1 run or fewer is a franchise record.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs to the tampons...
ReplyDeleteI live in fear of how Suzyn will work it into the radio broadcast.
"Well Blackburn is coming in with men on second and third to stop the bleeding and if you want to "stop up" the bleeding..."
Sims: Strike three! Grisham is 0 for 4.
Suzyn: Yeah Grisham has had a rough couple of days... and if you're having a rough couple of days...
Sims: Boone has been thrown out of the game for the 14th time this year.
Suzyn: He really is a whiny bitch...
Would it be Trojan Condoms? Achilles is gonna be angry about that. "Mister Magee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
ReplyDeleteMonday morning, I dove down some stairs in a dream to escape a gunman, who happened to be John Wayne in a cowboy outfit. Unfortunately, in real life, I dove out of bed and hit the rug hard, face down, with my forehead catching the worst of it. CT tomorrow and MRI in a couple weeks. No bump, no blood, but headaches galore.
ReplyDeleteNo concussion, at least. Wish game time allowed me to watch the game, that would be nice.
Wow, very realistic dream, eh? Looks like you should never sleep with a Colt .45 under your pillow.
DeleteIt's good that you're getting checked out. That kind of head injury can be very serious. Did you tell your doctor how it happened, about the dream too?
DeleteTesla, "Modern Day Cowboy":
Stormy night
Under jet-black skies
Billy pulls into town
Thunder rolled
And the lightning bolts
Come crashin' to the ground
Cold as ice, hard as stone, as he walks into the room
With another man who was feeling the same way, all hell's breakin' loose
Bang bang, shoot 'em up
Bang bang, blow you away
It's a showdown in the no man's land for the cowboy of the modern day
Come on, sundown
Don't be hangin' 'round
'Cause the cowboy'll blow you away
Damn, JM, sorry to hear that! Smart to get it checked out.
DeleteThat was one hell of a dream! Wish I could have that dream! In a shootout with the Duke - for all the chips! I'd beat him in a fast draw, I'm pretty sure. The Duke was all class, but he wasn't the fastest draw.
DeleteSome of the fastest draws ever shot: (1) There is an attempted mugging scene in the movie "The Last of the Fast Guns" that takes place in a Mexican desert. Two bandits try to rob our gunslinger, who is all decked out in crisp black leather. You know what happens next, right? (2) In "The Fastest Gun Alive", Glenn Ford displays his fast draw and shooting skills in a demonstration to the townspeople. Definitely one of the fastest draws ever filmed. (3) The final shootout in "Shane" is a really neat scene as well. I heard Alan Ladd hated guns, but he did a hell of a job here. This is maybe the most iconic gunfight showdown scene in western history.
DeleteThanks for the good wishes, gentlemen. It was such a bizarre dream, I felt compelled to share. No baseball involved, thankfully.
DeleteJM, get well. Our brains here are damaged enough.
DeleteHammer, I was under the impression that the Waco Kid was fastest draw ever in the movies.
Feel better JM!
DeleteRufus, I have heard that about Gene Wilder! Wouldn't surprise me, seems a lot of guys you'd never expect were indeed mighty fast.
DeleteCheck out this: https://www.truewestmagazine.com/article/who-was-the-fastest-gun-in-hollywood/
Says Jerry Lewis and Sammy Davis were ranked as the #1 and #2 fastest guns by none other than real life gunslinger Bob Munden, who was reportedly the fastest ever (for real).
And I've read that Bruce Lee was incredibly fast with a six shooter (maybe he visited his student Steve McQueen's place and they fooled around with six shooters?). Reportedly, Bruce always won these fake shootouts with paper wad peashooters, so eventually, nobody wanted to play against him anymore. I'd have loved to have had a showdown against Bruce Lee!
Sleep more carefully, JM !
DeleteRIP Gloria Steinem. Hell of a gal.
ReplyDeleteBoone has recently said that Grisham is the best option in CF https://www.yardbarker.com/mlb/articles/new_york_yankees_spencer_jones_receives_bad_news/s1_17355_44251423 (from a Yankee podcast interview):
ReplyDelete“I think [Grisham] is the best option [in center field] moving forward,” Boone said. “A lot of times I think there’s been a handful of plays this year that have really dinged him… I also think he’s pretty good and very reliable out there. And I still feel like his best work could be in front of him.”
Grisham had a bingle last night in extra innings. If there is a next year, Cashman will ink Grisham to a new seven year deal. You heard it here first.
I do wish that Cam didn't make that one mistake in the 8th inning, with two outs. It was finger nail biting all night, then extra finger nail biting. Yeah, the Yankees won, but they came THAT close to losing two of three to maybe the worst team in baseball. What's that tell you about this team?
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Hammer. If Wells doesn't hang in there with two strikes, that is a brutal, 10th-inning loss. Ridiculous against the Angels.
DeleteAnd Wells's "big hit" on another day with fewer than two outs was just another of the deflating GIDP's he loves so well.
DeleteI was surprised at the onscreen graphic when Wells was up. He had an .803 OPS in his last 43 games going into that AB. Not super, but very, very respectable.
DeletePer Baseball-Reference, the average individual OPS for the 2026 season is currently .719. As a team, the Yankees sit at .720, 15th in MLB. Long live mediocrity!
DeleteSo the Battlin' Bronx Bastards moved a mite closer to making the playoffs. But I'm still not convinced that they will make it. And even if they do make it, they'll get their butts handed to them in the wild card round.
ReplyDeleteI thought I saw that the Yankees clinched a playoff spot already. It was before the West Coast road trip.
DeleteReally? Nah, that can't be true. Too many games still left, I think.
DeleteAnd Hammer, the usual, aggravating mush mouth from Ma Boone:
ReplyDelete"A lot of times I think there's been a handful of plays this year that have really dinger him..."
Meaning what, exactly? There have been a lot of handfuls of plays? Or are you thinking about it a lot, Ma? Or are you thinking at all?
And of course, you always heard that about the greats: "There have just been a handful of plays that have 'dinged' Willie Mays this year." "Folks get on Joe DiMaggio because he's only blown a few flyballs this year." "Yeah, Bernie Williams misses a few flies and everybody gets excited."
ReplyDeleteNonsense. Grisham shouldn't be out there now, and if Judge comes back, he shouldn't be starting, period.
Speaking of "period," have you ladies out there ever tried—
Don't you get the feeling that Grisham will be this year's Rizzo? There's going to be a half ass Grisham play in center field in the playoffs that will be responsible for sending the 2026 Yankees a huntin' and a fishin'. The clown show here just never stops!
DeleteWhat will be the official porn website of the New York Yankees?
ReplyDeleteAnd what about the official girlie magazine of the NYY? --- Do they still have girlie magazines? --- Are Playboy and Penthouse still in business? I don't even know.
It would be a hoot if Viscount Victoria's advertised on the Yankee radio broadcast. "Viscount Victoria's - where your erection receives our undivided attention".
Can't you just hear some little girl asking "Mommy, what's an erection?"
Ask boone. His ex was in Playboy
DeleteHoly hell, I didn't know that! I gotta hang out with Aaron Boone! Go a huntin' and a fishin' with Booney. I should stop bad mouthing him here.... Maybe I can get lucky with his ex.
DeleteIf they still do those overseas MLB season openers in the future, I'd love to see the Yankees open the season in Paris, France, where prostitution is legal. And some hot babe comes on t.v. and announces "Bonjour, I am Juliette, the official call girl of the New York Yankees." Hot damn, I gots to call that wench next time I'm in Paris!
ReplyDeleteBlondie's biggest hit (in my opinion):
DeleteCall me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any-anytime
Call me (call me), I'll arrive
You can call me any day or night
Call me
Cover me with kisses, baby, cover me with love
Roll me in designer sheets, I'll never get enough
Emotions come, I don't know why
Cover up love's alibi
Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any-anytime
Call me (call me), I'll arrive
When you're ready, we can share the wine
Call me
Ooh, he speaks the languages of love
Ooh, amore, chiamami, chiamami
Ooh, appelle-moi, mon chéri, appelle-moi
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any way
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any day, any way
Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move
ReplyDeleteGonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove
Ah, ah, child, way you shake that thing
Gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting
Hey, hey, baby, when you walk that way
Watch your honey drip, I can't keep away
Straight out of "The Assassination Bureau":
ReplyDeleteYou pick the target, we get the job done. No excuses, no nonsense, no job too big or small. We are the official assassination squad of the New York Yankees.
AC/DC, Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap):
If you're having trouble with the high school head
He's giving you the blues
You wanna graduate, but not in his bed
Here's what you gotta do
Pick up the phone, I'm always home
Call me any time
Just ring, 3-6, 2-4, 3-6, hey
I lead a life of crime
You got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain't got the guts
She's nagging at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts
Pick up the phone, leave her alone
It's time you made a stand
For a fee, I'm happy to be
Your back-door man...
I have three and a half ideas for a special tampon game thread…..(already got condoms covered with Rodans)
ReplyDeleteI am eagerly looking forward to this!
DeleteSpeaking of assassinations, dirty deeds, and modest fees, as you are undoubtedly aware, I am well acquainted with that line of business myself, as a sort of silent, heavenly assassin me-self. (That's why they call me "The Hammer of God". I am the bringer of punishment, authorized by heavenly decree.)
ReplyDeleteI was talking to my friend Achilles just the other day. Achilles is one of the greatest killers in human history. So he knows a lot about this line of work himself. (By the way, you have no idea how difficult it is to reach him. You have to cross the river Styx just to get to his house. And I always have to remember to take a coin to pay the Ferryman, Chyrun. Otherwise, you can't even dream of crossing the waters of Styx.) Anyway, we were talking about when Hector's time ran out in front of the gates of Troy. I got the special delivery hammer from a heavenly eagle. (There was no Fed Ex delivery back then.) I struck Hector over his head, and poor Hector started seeing things. He thought he saw his friend with an extra spear. That's how he was fooled into making his last stand against Achilles, who promptly thrust his spear into Hector's neck. And, yes, my brother, The Grim Reaper, was there to escort Hector's soul to the river Styx. Hector was unable to cross the river for some time, though, because Achilles wouldn't allow Hector's body to receive the traditional funeral pyre with the coin under the tongue. Eventually, Achilles relented to King Priam and allowed Hector's body funeral rites with the coin under the tongue. That allowed Hector's soul to pay the Ferryman Chyrun and cross the river Styx.
I told Achilles about the time I had to infect Prince Hal with the crabs (pubic lice). I got a hammer from Heaven, with the decree that Hal had to get the crabs. By then, of course, Fed Ex was around, and I got it by express delivery. But I was not to just deliver a bag full of lice. No sir, that would be ... uncivilized. I was ordered to infect this lady who worked in a whorehouse in Bangkok. She then would infect a British naval officer, who would then infect a prostitute who worked with the website "Emperor's Club", who would then infect Hal. So, long story short, I had to go to Bangkok to infect that lady with pubic lice. That was the extent of my involvement in this operation. I do not know if Hal ever got infected with pubic lice. (They generally don't keep me informed about the ultimate results in complicated operations.) The Lord works in mysterious ways! Amen!
When I told Achilles about this operation, he laughed long and hard. Achilles is a Yankee fan, by the way. He considers the Yankees a sub-class of his own legacy, that of excellence and attainment of the highest possible skill level to the point of near divine proportions. He said he hoped Prince Hal got the crabs, and he hopes Hal suffered intense pubic itching and irritation. We had a good laugh about it!
Don't forget the official Yankees "Left On Base ED Lozenges"
ReplyDeleteOh Shit - I think I did forget about them! DAMMIT !
Delete