Hey, Juju gods!
Yeah, you!
Cut the shit. You're weirding us out. Look at the world. Everything's gone nuts. You want 10 signs? Okay, here goes...
1. Mississippi. Iowa. South Carolina... fukking Texas? Are you serious? TEXAS?
2. You know who has the No. 1 selling album in America? My Chemical Romance. (I'm not making this up.) "Welcome to the Black Parade?" Really? Again? Welcome to 2006.
3. Parts of Florida just took a year's worth of rain in two days. It's also rained like hell in Arizona. Arid-fukkin-zona. Meanwhile, yesterday, in Syracuse - rhymes with "sheer-abuse" - temps hovered near 80.
4. The President is working on the war the economy affordability chandeliers.
5. The stock market is a yoyo.
7. Bob Dylan is pals with the Pope.
8. George Stephanopolis just got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
9. Melania wants the Nobel Peace Prize.
10. And, um, this...
But but BUT... wanna know what hasn't changed? Are you yearning for that one restroom grab bar, that lone boulder of reality, unto which we can still perilously cling?
Anthony Volpe.
Yep, we're still waiting on him. It's been 100 years. As we sit here, with Jazz Chisholm halfway out the door and Jose Caballero still penciled in for utility IF, Volpe is still in the mix. He's our ballroom light fixture, our gold-plated arch.
In these ridiculous times, when chaos runs rampant like a biker gang in a mall, Yank fans still have something to clutch and stay afloat. Unfortunately, it has a career batting average of .225.
But hey, you never know. Volpe came within six inches of hitting the most important HR of this decade. So close, so fukkin close... Who knows? Maybe this will be his year. At least he's stayin' alive.
Sigh
ReplyDeleteYou could tell by the way the 97-year-old guy walked that he was a woman's man. No time for talk. Or breath, for that matter.
ReplyDeleteAt least he died enjoying himself. It sure beats dying in a hospital bed.
DeleteHere are three things that I am not going to do this weekend:
ReplyDelete1) Harp on Natalie.
2) Send flowers to Susan Collins.
3) Watch re-runs of The Apprentice.
Thanks for listening.
PS: I dreamed that I had lunch with Boone. I expressed my concern and disappointment that he didn’t step away from managing for health reasons in 2026 like he told me he would last November when we previously had lunch together. He said THEY wouldn’t let him. However that will not be the case in 2027. Just wait and see……
I think Trump has harped on Natalie's dress ala Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Film at 11!
DeleteAA, your "dream" post reminded me of that strange blues song from the 1928, "I Heard the Voice of a Pork Chop." I don't know why. That, strangely, dovetails in Anthony Volpe. https://youtu.be/X4yfKuS21oo?si=oxAjgh-XA5OGwAtl
DeleteI'd like to harp on Natalie's dress this weekend! On her dress, under her dress, and all over her legs too!
DeleteCarl, you think Trump can still get it up? I bet "NO"!
Without chemical assistance, HOG?
DeleteWell, I suppose if Trump takes performance enhancing drugs like Viagra. But I think he'd need a lot of that stuff to get it up. Won't be too good for the old ticker, I'm sure. Wouldn't it be hilarious if he croaked whilst humping Natalie Harp? Rooters News Agency: "Dead Trump found in bed with chemically enhanced erection still intact! Crying Natalie Harp says 'he just suddenly croaked in the middle of a sex act'."
DeleteI don't think he can do it. She's too busy cleaning his ass, for one thing. But maybe she sits on his face or something. That could be pleasant for Donald.
DeletePrediction: Volpe is the starting 2nd baseman next season. If there is a next season.
ReplyDeleteAnd now, your daily news from Slovenia...
ReplyDeleteVolpe came back from AAA a different player. So I would give him a shot at 2B.
ReplyDeleteThe question is why it took so long for this to happen, why it took a AAA demotion for Volpe to find himself. (Look no further than the manager and coaches up here.) You know he would've found himself in only half a season, maybe a year at most, if he played for Tampa. He would've been quickly moved to 2B by Tampa, then they would've ironed out his swing, cut down his swing, got him to hit the other way, spray liners all over the field.
Better Volpe, for now, than paying a king's ransom to Jazz. But he cannot be a long-term solution there.
DeleteGreat list, Duque, but you missed two:
ReplyDelete—Stephen "Heydrich" Miller is replacing Susan Wiles as Trump's chief of staff (God save us all.).
—Brooklyn now controls the entire Congress (Okay, Brooklyn save us all!).