Glance around the Yankiverse. Does anything feel, well, familiar?
Check the headlines...
Sorry, folks. Something shorted out. I cannot march in another black parade. Fuck the lists. Fuck the questions. Fuck Cashman and Boone. Fuck Dax Kilby. Fuck the usual October collapse, the same shit show we've endured for 16 years. Let's face the truth.
The Yankees exist as a massive cultural and political grift - a means by the ruling, billionaire class to steal our money, our time, our emotions, our energy and our attention to a malevolent system that imprisons us in a permanent freefall. You think I'm overstating this? Well, here's the only fucking worthy story in the Yankiverse today.
That's right. Dua Lipa hoovered a hotdog, and the clickbait bots that control the Internet got a viral stiffy. Last year it was Taylor Swift. Five years ago, Lady Gaga. Eighty years, Rosemary Clooney. Nothing's changed. Fools like me followed the Yankees for 168 games - all for nothing. Now, it's suddenly hurricane season, and we're supposed to start mouthing crapola about the Jazz Chisholm/Anthony Volpe rip in the fabric of realty?
So, yeah, it's all about clicks, right? That's why we exist. Okay, on that note, here you go, everybody...
Yep. Trained seals. The scoreboard says, NOISE!, and we scream our lungs out. The world is collapsing, the oceans are hot, death row inmates are waking up with injection needles in their arms, the Pentagon plans televising executions, and I'm supposed to concoct the five essential questions about next year.
Yep. Trained seals. The scoreboard says, NOISE!, and we scream our lungs out. The world is collapsing, the oceans are hot, death row inmates are waking up with injection needles in their arms, the Pentagon plans televising executions, and I'm supposed to concoct the five essential questions about next year.
Okay. Here are my five:
1. What the fuck?
2. How do I get to the exit?
3. Why should anybody care about the Yankees?
4. Seriously, is there a way out?
5. Will Dua Lipa get fat?
Here we go again.
The world's collapsing
ReplyDeleteThe oceans, hot
The orange and palm trees sway
There's never been such a day
In Chavez Ravine, L.A.
But it's December the 24th
And I am longing to be up north...
I'm dreaming of a Boone bye-bye
Just like the ones George used to do
Though the Captain loves him
It's past time to shove him
Away (aaawaayyy), far from Yankees land
I'm dreaming of a Boone bye-bye
With Jazz and Grish not far behind
May their days be merry and bright
But with us they're nothing but a blight....
I was wondering yesterday who's buying tickets to actual Yankee games, who's giving oxygen to this terminal organization? "Terminal" in baseball terms, not in the financial bottom line. I think it's the new cohort of posers, influencers and imitators, those for whom branding is more important than reality. Toss in the toxic manosphere and the people who have never even lived through an actual winning Yankee dynasty and you have a shit stew for the ages.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, Dua Lipa will one day gain weight. We all do.
ReplyDeleteYup. It's become a giant grift. Emotionally and financially.
ReplyDeleteI hope Dua Lipa gains as much weight as she as she wants.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't know or recognize Dua Lipa (Is that her real name?) if she sat next to me at the counter in a diner.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I've never understood the whole influencer schtick. A person has to be entirely brainless and a complete pushover to be induced to buy a product just by seeing someone on the internet pitching a product in a positive way because they've been incentivized to do so. Especially by a person with no apparent skill or insight who most people have never heard of.
Carl, I am melancholy seeing your post. Not because of the very true influencer callout/beat down, but the diner.
DeleteThere's a fake one in Fishkill, but I really miss the real ones.
Who the hell is Dua Lupa, or Dua Lipa, whatever her name is? Why should we care?
ReplyDeleteDeath row inmates wakin' up: hell, they shoulda hired me for the job. I make sure they don't wake up. And my brother, The Grim Reaper, is there with me to escort their souls to their final destination. Which for death row inmates is usually a very, very hot place.
ReplyDeleteWell, unfortunately, this here is yet another year of watching the 2009 Yankee World Championship DVD. That's 17 years and counting now.
ReplyDeleteI recently saw the Steinbrenner 1970s interview on 60 minutes, when he said "show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser" and that is exactly what this ownership is right now. A bunch of sorry ass losers who could give a shit about winning. They just want to keep counting the $$$ coming in.
ReplyDeleteHave to do another Yankee funeral as well. Maybe tomorrow? Yeah, let's do it tomorrow. This year, I think we shall go with a hard ass, hell bent theme. Might as well party at the Last Chance Saloon. This might be the last chance we ever get, with the lockout and all.
ReplyDelete“ The Yankees exist as a massive cultural and political grift…”
ReplyDeleteWow…just wow.