CASHMAN ! Turn to the left CASHMAN ! Turn to the right Ooooooooh CASHMAN ! They are the goon squad and they’ve destroyed our team EAT SHIT ! EAT SHIT !
We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of the 2026 Yankee season. When they demoted Jasson Dominguez to the minor leagues and dumped Oswaldo Cabrera for nothing, yet retained Trent Grisham and Giancarlo Stanton and Ryan McMahon, it created a vacuum into which the usual suspects seeped. And I, of course, speak of hubris, arrogance, incompetence, and complacency. Yes, let us remember the 2026 Yankee season as the ultimate clown show, the same as before in context but maybe the worst ever in quality.
And so, without further ado, let the party begin:
Here is Prince (he never really died), with "Let's Go Crazy":
If you don't like The world you're living in Take a look around At least you got friends You see, I called my old lady For a friendly word She picked up the phone Dropped it on the floor "Ah, ah," is all I heard
Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down? Oh, no, let's go
Let's go crazy Let's get nuts Let's look for Joe DiMaggio Until they put us in the truck, let's go Come..
We're all excited But we don't know why Maybe it's 'cause We're all gonna die And when we do (When we do) What's it all for? (What's it all for?) You better live now 'Fore The Grim Reaper come knocking on your door
Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down? Oh, no, let's go
Let's go crazy Let's get nuts Look for Joe DiMaggio Until they put us in the truck, let's go
C'mon, baby Let's get nuts Yeah (Crazy) Let's go crazy
And you wanted the best, you got the best. A double dose of the hottest band in the world, KISS!!!
I know a thing or two about the Yanks I know they'll only make you cry They'll string you along for the season But then they'll fall on their faces and die
Everybody says the Yanks are lookin' good And the Yankees know it's understood Strutter
One more from KISS:
Man, when it's hot out, I get the longing for some Vodka and orange juice. But when you're real thirsty, there's nothin' like some Cold Gin:
The Yankees suck and I'm so tired Of watching the Yanks, hope Boone gets fired The owner don't care, and Brian is dumb, yeah The Yanks are done, I'm down and out
Ooh, it's cold gin time again You know it always wins Cold gin time again You know it's the only thing That keeps us together
It's time to leave cuz the Yankees suck If they don't care, why should we give a fuck The cheapest seats are for fannies hands To interfere on a home run call
Ooh, it's cold gin time again You know it'll always win It's cold gin time again You know it's the only thing That keeps us together
Whoa!
Ooh, it's cold gin time again Unlike the Yanks, it always wins It's cold gin time again You know it's the only thing That keeps us together
I had a dream, oh yeah Crazy dream, oh ho The Yankees won the A.L. East And went on ... to win it ... all Hear my song, yeah People, won't you listen now? Sing along, oh You don't know what you're missing now Any little song that you know "The Yankees lose" is now A baseball ral-lee-ing cry
Na-na-na-na-na Last Chance Saloon is here Trent Grisham in center field Last man out please turn out the lights The song remains the same, ooh yeah
All you gotta do now, all you gotta do now Ooh, sing out Let's Go Yankees Ooh, Dance the Master's call City lights are oh so bright As we go sliding, sliding Sliding, sliding, sliding, sliding Through
Another one from Led Zeppelin, "The House of the Holy":
Let me take you to the Yankees Are they any better than the Monkees? Let me be yours ever truly Can I make the Yankees win?
From the houses of the holy We can watch the Yankees lose From the door comes Satan's daughter And Cashman flings the dice, you know
There's an angel on my shoulder In my hand a sword of gold They'll make errors like babies Eating cotton candy floss You know
So the Yanks are losing faster Are you dizzy when they fall? Let the music be your master Will you heed the master's call Thuuuhhh Yankees win!
Said there ain't no use in crying Cause it will only, only drive you mad Does it hurt to hear them lying? Was this the only world you had?
So let me take you, take you to the Yankees Can I take you, baby, to see them lose? Why don't you let the Yankees be Cuz they want to lose so bad? You know, that's right
Def Leppard's "Bringin' On the Heartbreak" (this song is 4/4 common time, except for the chorus, which has one 5/4 measure thrown in there at the beginning - right on the "bringin'" (4 beat) "on" (5 beat) - I know because I had to learn how to sing this recently):
Boone is chewin' gum Blowin' out those sunflower seeds You're a dumbass clown, always losin' games To the Tampa Dev-vil Rays
You're always losing, losing for no reason That it's feeling like this is right
Oh, I'm sorry but it's true You're a clown who cannot win Takin' home your sal-la-ree Oh, can't you see? You got the best of me Oh, can't you see?
Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming to pay your last respects to this sorry ass 2026 Yankee season. The funeral mass is ovuh, "Thanks be to God"! The closing hymn is AC/DC's "Highway to Hell":
Yankees playin', Yankees losin' Season tickets in a burnin' pile Askin' nothin', leave me be Takin' losses never breakin' stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme Ain't nothin' I'd rather do Goin' down, party time Thuuuhhh Yanks are gonna be there too, yeah
I'm on the highway to hell On the highway to hell Highway to hell I'm on the highway to hell
No stop signs, speed limits Well-sie makin' out at third Seen this before, gonna lose again Them errors gonna make you pay
Hey Satan, payin' my dues Watchin' Yankees lose again Hey momma, look at me I'm on my way to the promised land
I'm on the highway to hell Highway to hell I'm on the highway to hell Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell... And I'm going down... With the Yankees and Boone
Both Lupica and Madden calling for Boone's head. Lupica also points out that Cashman sucks. (I'm paraphrasing.) Madden wants to bring back Showalter. I'm good with that.
I'm quoting Keefe: "the Rays became the fifth different team in the nine years of the Aaron Boone era to eliminate the Yankees at Yankee Stadium. How can you not be romantic about baseball?"
Members of the blog can comment. To receive an e-mailed invitation, write to johnandsuzyn@gmail.com. And check spam if it doesn't show up. (Google account required.)
It is impossible to dispute your findings, E.D.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, you should seriously consider submitting your research for publication by the American Journal of Deluded Decadence and Decline.
Peer reviewed, road tested, indisputable!
ReplyDeleteCASHMAN !
ReplyDeleteTurn to the left
CASHMAN !
Turn to the right
Ooooooooh
CASHMAN !
They are the goon squad and they’ve destroyed our team
EAT SHIT !
EAT SHIT !
Straight from "The History of the Fall of the Yankee Empire".
ReplyDeleteWe are gathered here today to mourn the passing of the 2026 Yankee season. When they demoted Jasson Dominguez to the minor leagues and dumped Oswaldo Cabrera for nothing, yet retained Trent Grisham and Giancarlo Stanton and Ryan McMahon, it created a vacuum into which the usual suspects seeped. And I, of course, speak of hubris, arrogance, incompetence, and complacency. Yes, let us remember the 2026 Yankee season as the ultimate clown show, the same as before in context but maybe the worst ever in quality.
ReplyDeleteAnd so, without further ado, let the party begin:
Here is Prince (he never really died), with "Let's Go Crazy":
If you don't like
The world you're living in
Take a look around
At least you got friends
You see, I called my old lady
For a friendly word
She picked up the phone
Dropped it on the floor
"Ah, ah," is all I heard
Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down?
Oh, no, let's go
Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look for Joe DiMaggio
Until they put us in the truck, let's go
Come..
We're all excited
But we don't know why
Maybe it's 'cause
We're all gonna die
And when we do (When we do)
What's it all for? (What's it all for?)
You better live now
'Fore The Grim Reaper come knocking on your door
Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down?
Oh, no, let's go
Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Look for Joe DiMaggio
Until they put us in the truck, let's go
C'mon, baby
Let's get nuts
Yeah
(Crazy)
Let's go crazy
And you wanted the best, you got the best. A double dose of the hottest band in the world, KISS!!!
ReplyDeleteI know a thing or two about the Yanks
I know they'll only make you cry
They'll string you along for the season
But then they'll fall on their faces and die
Everybody says the Yanks are lookin' good
And the Yankees know it's understood
Strutter
One more from KISS:
Man, when it's hot out, I get the longing for some Vodka and orange juice. But when you're real thirsty, there's nothin' like some Cold Gin:
The Yankees suck and I'm so tired
Of watching the Yanks, hope Boone gets fired
The owner don't care, and Brian is dumb, yeah
The Yanks are done, I'm down and out
Ooh, it's cold gin time again
You know it always wins
Cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together
It's time to leave cuz the Yankees suck
If they don't care, why should we give a fuck
The cheapest seats are for fannies hands
To interfere on a home run call
Ooh, it's cold gin time again
You know it'll always win
It's cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together
Whoa!
Ooh, it's cold gin time again
Unlike the Yanks, it always wins
It's cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together
Ah, the ol' AJTriple D, AA! I'm a subscriber!
ReplyDeletePretty funny, Duque. But I'd simplify it: almost entirely divided into "Hal" and "Pal," with a tiny sliver for "Boone."
ReplyDeleteOh, and of course Dua Lipa.
"Dua Lipa
Dua Lipa men have named you..."
Led Zeppelin, "The Song Remains the Same":
ReplyDeleteI had a dream, oh yeah
Crazy dream, oh ho
The Yankees won the A.L. East
And went on ... to win it ... all
Hear my song, yeah
People, won't you listen now?
Sing along, oh
You don't know what you're missing now
Any little song that you know
"The Yankees lose" is now
A baseball ral-lee-ing cry
Na-na-na-na-na
Last Chance Saloon is here
Trent Grisham in center field
Last man out please turn out the lights
The song remains the same, ooh yeah
All you gotta do now, all you gotta do now
Ooh, sing out Let's Go Yankees
Ooh, Dance the Master's call
City lights are oh so bright
As we go sliding, sliding
Sliding, sliding, sliding, sliding
Through
Accurate. Well maybe not Biden…
ReplyDeleteLike Above Average wrote: Cashman, only I call him Genius Cashman.
ReplyDeleteAnother one from Led Zeppelin, "The House of the Holy":
ReplyDeleteLet me take you to the Yankees
Are they any better than the Monkees?
Let me be yours ever truly
Can I make the Yankees win?
From the houses of the holy
We can watch the Yankees lose
From the door comes Satan's daughter
And Cashman flings the dice, you know
There's an angel on my shoulder
In my hand a sword of gold
They'll make errors like babies
Eating cotton candy floss
You know
So the Yanks are losing faster
Are you dizzy when they fall?
Let the music be your master
Will you heed the master's call
Thuuuhhh Yankees win!
Said there ain't no use in crying
Cause it will only, only drive you mad
Does it hurt to hear them lying?
Was this the only world you had?
So let me take you, take you to the Yankees
Can I take you, baby, to see them lose?
Why don't you let the Yankees be
Cuz they want to lose so bad?
You know, that's right
The HOUSES of the Holy. Sorry, fucked that up!
DeleteIron Maiden's "Deja Vu":
ReplyDeleteWhen you see the Yanks strike out
And you know they'll break thuuuhhh record
Could you be wrong?
When you've been to a Yankee game
That you know you've seen before
Can you be sure?
'Cause you know this has happened before
And you know that the Yankee loss is for real
And you know when you feel ... deja-vu
Feel like the Yankees are gone
Feel like the Yankees have lost
Feel like HAL doesn't care
Feel like I've been here before
Ever seen a Yankee strike out
And you realize he's struck out before?
Isn't it strange?
Have you ever watched a Yankee loss
And you feel you know what's coming next?
It feels pre-arranged
'Cause you know that the Yankees have lost it before
And you feel that another loss is surreal
'Cause you know when you feel ... deja-vu
Feel like the Yankees are gone
Feel like the Yankees have lost
Feel like HAL doesn't care
Feel like I've been here before
Def Leppard's "Bringin' On the Heartbreak" (this song is 4/4 common time, except for the chorus, which has one 5/4 measure thrown in there at the beginning - right on the "bringin'" (4 beat) "on" (5 beat) - I know because I had to learn how to sing this recently):
ReplyDeleteBoone is chewin' gum
Blowin' out those sunflower seeds
You're a dumbass clown, always losin' games
To the Tampa Dev-vil Rays
You're always losing, losing for no reason
That it's feeling like this is right
Oh, I'm sorry but it's true
You're a clown who cannot win
Takin' home your sal-la-ree
Oh, can't you see?
You got the best of me
Oh, can't you see?
You're bringin' on the heartache
You're bringin' on the heartbreak
DeleteYou're bringin' on the heartache
You're bringin' on the heartbreak
You're bringin' on the heartache
Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming to pay your last respects to this sorry ass 2026 Yankee season. The funeral mass is ovuh, "Thanks be to God"! The closing hymn is AC/DC's "Highway to Hell":
ReplyDeleteYankees playin', Yankees losin'
Season tickets in a burnin' pile
Askin' nothin', leave me be
Takin' losses never breakin' stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothin' I'd rather do
Goin' down, party time
Thuuuhhh Yanks are gonna be there too, yeah
I'm on the highway to hell
On the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
No stop signs, speed limits
Well-sie makin' out at third
Seen this before, gonna lose again
Them errors gonna make you pay
Hey Satan, payin' my dues
Watchin' Yankees lose again
Hey momma, look at me
I'm on my way to the promised land
I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell...
And I'm going down...
With the Yankees and Boone
Both Lupica and Madden calling for Boone's head. Lupica also points out that Cashman sucks. (I'm paraphrasing.) Madden wants to bring back Showalter. I'm good with that.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind Showalter...but how about Jeter to replace Cashman?
DeleteYou can bring in a 10 year old to be either manager or GM. He won't be any worse.
DeleteI'm quoting Keefe: "the Rays became the fifth different team in the nine years of the Aaron Boone era to eliminate the Yankees at Yankee Stadium. How can you not be romantic about baseball?"
ReplyDeleteI had not idea Hammer was so poetic.
ReplyDeleteAnd you ain't seen nuthin' yet. You just ain't seen nuh, nuh, nuh, nuthin'. You ain't seen nuthin' yet!
DeleteBuh buh buh buh Baby!!
ReplyDelete