We are just getting crushed.

BAM. First, we lose to Cleveland.


Then, BAM, we lose Torre.


Then, BAM, we watch Boston beat the Indians.


Then, BAM, we get to meet Hank the Yank Steinbrenner.


Then, BAM, Rudy Giuliani turns yellow.


Then, BAM, we watch Boston clobber Colorado.


Then, BAM, we watch Alex Betray-Us.


What's next?
INDEPENCE DAY, BABY! WE STRIKE BACK!

BAM. We hire Girardi!

BAM. We sign Mariano!

BAM. We sign Jorge!

BAM. Hank takes "Hooked on Phonics" lessons!

BAM. Rudy Giuliani gets busted for cross-dressing.

BAM. We sign somebody, anybody, for a lot of money, just to show we have a lot of money. Schilling? Nah. Lowell? Hmm. That would push the Red Sox to A-Rod! Yesssss!

Only a few months to opening day. And the magic number is INFINITY!