WE THE PEOPLE, in order to achieve lasting subservience, humbly beseech the 2007 World Champion Boston Red Sox, the most holy and spiritual organization known to man, to immortalize their supremacy in the only true manner that befits their greatness.
.
WE ASK Boston’s benevolent leadership, which includes scientists, mathematicians, musicians and some of history’s most beloved actors, to do whatever is necessary to sign the greatest baseball player the world has ever known: Alex Rodriguez, known to friend and foe as “A-Rod.”
.
BY SIGNING MR. RODRIGUEZ at whatever the bargain cost he requests, the Red Sox shall ensure that their championship legacy will continue throughout the next millennium. Moreover, they will drive a stake into the hearts of their nemeses, the ignoble Yankee fans, who will never recover from the rejection of losing such a key component to their regular season triumphs.
.
LET THIS PLEA launch a world movement calling for the greatest team in history to sign the greatest player in history, forming the greatest lineup in history for the greatest fans in history, in the greatest city in history, who by the way are also the nicest people you could ever meet, period, end of statement.
.
WITH A-ROD, the Red Sox Nation shall find its spiritual twin, and go on to win, forever and ever, world series without end.
Red Sox Nation Holy Addendum;
ReplyDeleteI have personal assurance that the soon to be arriving Pope
person (Big Ben) will bless this contract.
He will read it in the high holy days. And the low devil days.
He will pretend it is some dead guy's flesh and eat it. Drinking it down with a tasty vita-water, blood flavored.
Please Boston. Be reverant for once.
A pointy hat for every one of you gets thrown in.
- Benazir Bhutto
-
You know you are insane, right?
ReplyDelete