Since his nepotistic ascension to post of Senior Yankee Buttcrack, we’ve assumed Hank “Stubby” Steinbrenner to be a Dolly the Sheep clone of his dad: an evil, impulsive, dictatorial clod of gasbaggery who spreads money like manure over the furrowed filth of his constant booboos, leaving the rest of us to reconsider communism.
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And yes, Stubby looks like a 20-watt bulb, with the cigs dangling from his double-chin potato mug, claiming he is not stupid, which is the first pure sign of a medulla appendectomy, as he prepares to trade our future for another pitched-out chug-a-lug.
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But… it hasn't happened yet.
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And yes, Stubby looks like a 20-watt bulb, with the cigs dangling from his double-chin potato mug, claiming he is not stupid, which is the first pure sign of a medulla appendectomy, as he prepares to trade our future for another pitched-out chug-a-lug.
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But… it hasn't happened yet.
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In fact, the Stubster has done what nobody in baseball ever could do (except in the post-season, when everyone does it): Make A-Rod look like a fool. Granted, he brought the choke collar back and will pay him too much. But, hey, considering that our other 3B option was the ghost of Charlie Hayes, it could be worse
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Consider this quote from Wednesday’s Times, when Hank was asked if he had seen the Mitchell report:
Consider this quote from Wednesday’s Times, when Hank was asked if he had seen the Mitchell report:
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“No, we really haven’t,” he said. “I think we’re speculating about it as much as everybody else. We really have no idea. I’m sure every team, every owner and every general manager is wondering the same things.”
“No, we really haven’t,” he said. “I think we’re speculating about it as much as everybody else. We really have no idea. I’m sure every team, every owner and every general manager is wondering the same things.”
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Hm-mm. Cogent. Lucid. He might pass a breathalyzer.
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Did the Times clean it up from the usual manglese?
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Or have we been too harsh on the Prodigal Stub?
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Is Stubby baseball’s version of dismal Poohbah offspring such as George W. Bush, Kim Jong Il and Ben Stiller? Or are we wrong about Stubby?
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Might he be baseball’s Nora Jones, the daughter of that sixties dude with the LSD and sitar: a dazzling, fresh-faced pixie who lives to make us ask, "What's next?"
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Hm-mm. Cogent. Lucid. He might pass a breathalyzer.
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Did the Times clean it up from the usual manglese?
.
Or have we been too harsh on the Prodigal Stub?
.
Is Stubby baseball’s version of dismal Poohbah offspring such as George W. Bush, Kim Jong Il and Ben Stiller? Or are we wrong about Stubby?
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Might he be baseball’s Nora Jones, the daughter of that sixties dude with the LSD and sitar: a dazzling, fresh-faced pixie who lives to make us ask, "What's next?"
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I’d have to go with George Bush and Kim Jong Il.
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But if we can dream of trading Wilson Betemit for decent shower massage, why not dream Stubby dreams?
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But if we can dream of trading Wilson Betemit for decent shower massage, why not dream Stubby dreams?
Stubby screwed the Torre situation badly, and I thought we were in for 30 years of hell. But then he was right-on about A-Rod and middling re: Pavano/Hughes.
ReplyDeleteVerdict of the moment: he might actually be a human being. Terrible one day, cool the next. But where would that leave johnsterling.blogspot.com??
Plus he's a paragon of fashion. Very nuevo-retro.
ReplyDeleteI think Wilson Betemit will be the Yankee's MVP next year.
ReplyDeleteOnly problem is, he looked so big this year, he could be on the juice list.
If he comes in sleek and hungry at about 185 lbs, will he be too weak to get around on ML pitching?
Will he become our pimary base stealer?
We don't have Joe Pepitone any longer, so why would we need a hair dryer? Of any brand?
Wilson should have a lot of Yankee silver by season's end.
- Timothy Leary