World Beginning to Cringe over Clemens

Now he's calling people and taping the conversations.

This is bad. This is really bad. We're going through our back files, wondering what we said when he called drunk at 2 a.m. It was something about Fred Thompson's wife and Leonardo DiCaprio. We were foggy. We may have said things that can be misinterpreted. Clemens goaded us. He had an agenda. Maybe he was only acting drunk. Actually, come to think of it, he said he was on syrup. He always gets crazy when doing syrup.

We at IT IS HIGH... hereby apologize in advance for any unfortunate statements we may or may not have made to Roger Clemens during one of his many phone calls to our homes.

We hope and pray that this great future Hall of Famer will honor the privacy of those long and often emotional conversations.

Also, we sincerely hope that he stops this program of wiretaps. Apparently, now out of baseball, Roger seeks endorsement opportunities for the Department of Homeland Security.

Finally, we offer our sincere apologies to both Fred Thompson's wife and Leonardo DiCaprio for any discussions that may in the future become public regarding this great wife of a public servant and fine actor.