Friday, February 15, 2008

"You have the luxury of not knowing what I know."

This came in an email. Don't know who wrote it. Wish we had.


Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I want the truth!

Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastall, slider, splitfinger...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: You're god damn right I did!!

3 comments:

  1. That's great.

    But there's one thing that's disturbing about that.

    It means this:

    Henry Waxman = Tom Cruise

    ReplyDelete
  2. Is that what this is about? Phone calls and crushed beer cans? Please tell me that you have something more, Mr. Congressman. This game is on trial for its life. Please tell me your lawyers haven't pinned their hopes to a phone bill.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You guys have been watching that movie just a little bit too often

    Great work to you all.

    Rocket's final rant: "You want me on that mound !! You need me on that mound...."

    (Hint for the uninformed: the above rant does not refer in any way, directly or by implication, to Roger's juiced and buff wife, by the way ).

    ReplyDelete

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