Jeet plates pathetic 6 of Maxim 100 hotties

Jeet, Jeet, Captain, Dewd... what are we gonna do with you?

Six out of 100? You're batting .060 with the superbabes.

You're the Wil Nieves of swordsmen.

Pauly Shore probably keeps an on-base percentage of .244.

True, you're not being protected in the line-up. The last Maxim Top 100 lambchop Jason Giambi tabled was probably Liza Minelli, and that's post-Dudley Moore.

And yes, you're hitting tough curveballers: Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Mariah Carey, Vanessa Minnillo, Gabrielle Union and Jessica Alba. They throw hard and bring each, each filthy in her own way.

But Jeet, Jeet, dewd... either notch a few more hits -- bring up the average to, say, .283 -- or you'll end up like Nomar Garciappara, out with constant wrist injuries and kicked around by a soccer mom.

You gotta get back to business. Remember why Roger Clemens needed two planes? One carried Roger, and one carried his balls.

OK. Here's what you do.

.

1. For starters, no more beach photos from the Love Canal (See above.) That's like eating the clubhouse deli meat. Pig out on pastrami and cheese, and it's a surefire slump.

2. Get back to your roots. Tweak a hammy, so you can do a rehab assignment in Scranton. They have an active dinner theater in Moosic. Find a minor league prospect, and bring her to the majors. Just by associating with you, she might crack the 100. Get the picture? If the twin mountains don't come to Mohammed, Mohammed has to go find the twin mountains.

3. After Scranton, you gotta aim higher. How high? Really high. There is one Bush twin left. Cappy, you know what to do. It's called, "Taking one for the team."

Imagine it: Doing the Maxim 100 and the U.S. News & World Report 50.

Let's see Julio Lugo beat that.