Mid Sahara School for Dentistry Beckons Igawa

One theory for Kei Igawa's ineffectiveness at the Major League Level is his concern over self-image.

Everytime Igawa sees himself on the tv monitor or the centerfield orgasmatron, he buckles in shame at his facial profile which currently resembles a combination horse and pocine family animal.

It is clear that this multi-millionaire needs dental re-shaping if he is ever to throw his curveball for strikes.

Fortunately for Kei, an exclusive new dental/facial re-hab school has recently been launched at an undisclosed location in the in the Saraha desert ( see above right photo ), and they have expressed willingness to re-build Kei's facial failings at a nominal cost.

The Desert Dental School, which served Bedouins by camel train for centuries, is looking for some favorable publicity for its new, high-tech facility.

According to the school, "self-confidence is the key to success in any left-handed endeavor. And a happy, balanced smile is indicative of a healthy self-image as well as the ability to locate pitches."

Igawa is expected to miss the next two seasons in Scranton while the work is performed.

Chewing on camel dung is no longer a pre-requisite for this therapy.