ARod is right. The Home Run Derby sucks. When they’re blathering about the drama of somebody breaking Bobby Abreu’s home run record, you gottta wonder if there isn’t something better on Spice Channel. MLB should hold new All-Star contests, the kind that won’t wreck Arod’s swing.
Fun stuff, like this:
THE MLB-MRS. SMITH'S PIE-EATING CONTEST.
Avengers, Assemble! It’s hard to imagine Jason Giambi declining an invitation to this. Blueberry, banana cream, apple – call your shot, Big Papi! Will Youk puke? Hey, it won’t be blood on Curt Schilling’s sock when he crumples that last empty pie tin. It’ll be cherry filling!
ALL-STAR TWISTER
Think of the final battle: The Big Unit, 6’11” Randy Johnson, squaring off against 6’8” Richie Sexon on a board that stretches from first to third base. Tim McCarver can call the colors: ‘BLUE! YELLOW! RED!’ Our sleeper pick: Milton Bradley.
TUG O' WAR
The AL and NL face off in the time-honored and truest contest of strength and will. Imagine that AL line-up, anchored by Sir Sidney Ponson, shouting “Heave!” in a setting that doesn’t include a liquor bottle! If he goes into the trench, he'll never come out!
EGG AND SPOON RACE
Fans and players will love this good-natured competition, which requires speed and agility. The Tampa Bay Rays should excel, since most of the team last ran this in Cub Scouts only five years ago. Yokes flying? Aww, that's just Manny being Manny!
MLB ALL-STAR WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS STRIP POKER
Send Bud Selig to bed early and give something to the discerning, after-hours bal
l-fan. What the hell. They don't start World Series games until 8:35 p.m. on the East Coast, so it's a little late to be worrying about kids. It'll be an instant midsummer classic. Arod can supply the entire AL squad, and it won’t mess up his “swing.” Get it? That’s a joke. Swinnnng, battah!
Other possibilities:
Ring toss. Capture the Flag. Team Trivia. Donkey Basketball. Beer Pong.
THE MLB-MRS. SMITH'S PIE-EATING CONTEST.
Avengers, Assemble! It’s hard to imagine Jason Giambi declining an invitation to this. Blueberry, banana cream, apple – call your shot, Big Papi! Will Youk puke? Hey, it won’t be blood on Curt Schilling’s sock when he crumples that last empty pie tin. It’ll be cherry filling!
ALL-STAR TWISTER
Think of the final battle: The Big Unit, 6’11” Randy Johnson, squaring off against 6’8” Richie Sexon on a board that stretches from first to third base. Tim McCarver can call the colors: ‘BLUE! YELLOW! RED!’ Our sleeper pick: Milton Bradley.
TUG O' WAR
The AL and NL face off in the time-honored and truest contest of strength and will. Imagine that AL line-up, anchored by Sir Sidney Ponson, shouting “Heave!” in a setting that doesn’t include a liquor bottle! If he goes into the trench, he'll never come out!
EGG AND SPOON RACE
Fans and players will love this good-natured competition, which requires speed and agility. The Tampa Bay Rays should excel, since most of the team last ran this in Cub Scouts only five years ago. Yokes flying? Aww, that's just Manny being Manny!
MLB ALL-STAR WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS STRIP POKER
Send Bud Selig to bed early and give something to the discerning, after-hours bal
l-fan. What the hell. They don't start World Series games until 8:35 p.m. on the East Coast, so it's a little late to be worrying about kids. It'll be an instant midsummer classic. Arod can supply the entire AL squad, and it won’t mess up his “swing.” Get it? That’s a joke. Swinnnng, battah!Other possibilities:
Ring toss. Capture the Flag. Team Trivia. Donkey Basketball. Beer Pong.
Maybe Bobby Abreu has another record inside him!
"Hit Manny with a Pitch and Win a Million Dollars Contest"
ReplyDeleteCarlos Zambrano just missed to be the first winner.