What Should Brett Gardner Do After Baseball?

I think the results are pretty much in on this speed burner.

He is an automatic double if he ever gets on first. The big problem: making contact at all and, when so doing, muscling the ball beyond the infield dirt.

So far, as he approaches 100 at bats, Brett is blasting out singles at the rate of .170. Anyone still believe he is a .290 hitter on the cusp of " breaking out?"

The Yankee brasses are currently meeting in Tampa to decide who to give up for Jason Bay or Xavier Nady. Personally, I hope they don't mess with the team.

I hope Brett remains and proves me wrong. I hope he becomes a Hall of Fame candidate and MVP. I hope Madonna wants him.

But his time in pinstripes is wearing thinner than his "interstate" batting average. With two catchers who hit in the .230 range. and Melky not hitting much better than that, and Sexton mired at .220, and Gumby hitting for power only, the Yankees simply cannot compete with a left fielder hitting .170 off of infield bleeders.

And when Brett gets sent down with a .170 stick, he will not be coming back.

So, it is time to seek out some real world opportunities for this gritty speedster: becoming a mortgage broker has lost some of its luster; investment banking bonuses are way off; and it is a bit late for medical school.

So, I was thinking.....a frozen popcorn ball franchise back in South Carolina could be the ticket. He could assist the coaches at the College of Charleston, where he excelled on the diamond, and push the frozen sweet things in his spare time.

" Gardner's Frozen Sweeties " ...all dyed blue with the interlocking NY...$2 per pop.

Anybody out there got a better idea?