Following Thong and Mustache Success, Giambi Mulling Next Breakout Novelty

JERSEY CITY _ Officials of the Gag Gift & Souvenir Trade Association Tuesday today appealed to Yankee slugger Jason Giambi to endorse at least one more line of lucky doodads before his roller coaster era in New York comes to an end.

“We sold a frikkin ton of golden thongs and fake mustaches,” GGSTA President Archie Lift said. “This guy may bat .250, but he is the Rip Taylor of baseball. We don't care whether it's Vulcan ears or something new in personal hygiene. We just say, 'Keep 'em coming, Big G!'”

Several officials believe that Giambi could go on a hitting tear if, before stepping into the batter’s box each time, he sets a pile of fake barf onto home plate. Others say Bubba Teeth would distract the pitcher, allowing Giambi to pounce on misplaced fastballs.

According to sources, Giambi has several concepts in developmental stage.

THE BIG G PARTY BATTING HELMET

This hard-shell safety device would protect the head, while allowing Giambi to drink heavily throughout at-bats and while running the bases. This could ignite not only a hitting streak but a late-inning urination streak.

STRIKE ZONE BRUSH-BACK BATTING BOOBS

If one crowds the plate with these rubber jabronies, not a hurler in baseball will dare offer him a shave. Come in cup sizes: Edwar, Joba and Ponson!

SHOWER POWER STROKE SOAP

Hey, are those pubic hairs on the batting donut? Nope, it could be Giambi's secret pine tar rag, with bubble action. Imagine Suzyn Waldman's face when told why Big G has been named "Player of the Game."

THE INFLATABLE BIG G PINCH RUNNER

Pull the butt tab, and watch him streak for second! Think the pitcher will get a little nervous? It'll be like having Jacoby Ellsbury on first!