Some Dangerous Cross-Currents

I'm glad to read in the local Mexican newspaper that El Duque is back from scouting cricket players and trying to please the many subjects of "Queen Mum " and her storied ancestors. Someone please tell me if he is now speaking like he is from London.

In any case, I left the Big Apple in haste as soon as the Orioles nearly swept us and immediatley went on the trail to find the recently abducted Reigh ( Ray to you rednecks ), who was snatched by her Dad off the streets of Boston, under the cover of a Red Sox game.

Fittingly, she was safely located in Baltimore where, as luck would have it, I stopped for hard crabs on my way back down to South Mexico.

I am happy for Reigh and her family. They have my vote for the most pretentious name in the history of North America. And I know, for sure, she'll be a Boston fan if her mom ever lets her come back to the states again.

So now, I can reflect on a few oddities from recent Yankee ditherings:

1. We sent the wrong pitcher to the Pirates. Karstens was always better than Rasner. Jeff went 6 shut-out innings in his debut. Rasner has never started a game without putting the Yankees in a hole.

2. Despite my disdain for the command and control-challenged Rasner, he got squeezed beyond acceptible standards yesterday in his final inning. He got two quick outs, and then had Willets in a 2-1 count. He threw what looked like a perfect, leg-bucking curve that crossed the plate at the mid-point, that landed in Pudge's glove at waste level.

The NBA referee behind the plate calls it a ball. So, it goes 3-1, Rasner loses his composure, and the walls caved in on him. Time for a MLB investigation of that home plate umpire. He should get 18 months in the slammer.

3. Edwar is an interesting case, isn't he now? Two quick strike outs and then he pulls a " walk-about, " as they say down under. I say to Joe: the minute this guy walks someone, go get him.

I, Alphonso, called the Texiera grand slam, by the by. I have witnesses. Those of you who know me, understand that I hate to be right. What a downer.

Fortunately, Edwar got the win and improved his resume to 3-0. Well deserved. He did this three times when I was working with him in the South Mexico dirt field league. I made him drink Tequila until he thought he was Alex Trebec, which finally straightened him out.

4. Joe, once again, despite my pleadings, exhortations and factual arguments, brought in MO with the Yankees tied ( at home ) in the top of the 9th. For the 4th consecutive time, MO gave up a run and we died. We are going to need those 4 losses back as this season closes down.

Try something else, Joe. At least once.

5. A-Rod is the worst clutch hitter in the history of Stonehenge. He is hitting, this year, under .200 with RISP. And do not forget, he killed the big rally yesterday by hitting into a double play with the basis loaded and one out, just after we tied the damn game.

Luckily, Chone Figgins booted the double play ball. Otherwise, we might never have won yesterday.

A-Rod only hits when it doesn't matter. He has great, useless stats. The Yankees will not ever win anything meaningful with A-Rod. You can write that down.

6. Gumby has become a waste of time in the clutch , as well. I'd rather see Posada hit, sling and all, with runners on base in a tight game. Will Gumby be in trouble if he starts Juicing again?

7. I hope Pudge brings us a number one pick when he signs with someone else at season's end. That way, we can get another Andy Brackman. Maybe Dr. Stevens already has a young prospect pitcher ready to go under the knife.

8. For those of you looking to bring up Ian Kennedy in place of Rasner, hold your horse. Ian is a AAA ace who can't handle the bigs. Trade him quickly, I say. Maybe we can get another Dh or out-of-position first baseman.

9. Don't you just love the competition between Pavano and Hughes down at Charleston? The more time these two spend together , the more alike they become. Two great Charleston Dogs chasing their tails.

It must be rewarding to get outs against guys who will never be anything.

10. I can't wait until the press conference where Brett Favre announces his retirement at the end of this season.