If Yankee Stadium is such a sacred cathedral, such a shrine to baseball and humankind, why the hell destroy it?
Well, uhmmm... hmm. File it as a great mystery of civilization, like Stonehenge, the Pyramids, and the continued success of Devo. Best answer we've heard is that it doesn't matter: When the Swiss eggheads turn on their Hadron Collider late this year, the first-manmade black hole will consume the earth faster than anyone can say, "Oh, shit." So fukkit, let's go clubbing, oogle Britney on the Internet and rip down Yankee Stadium.
Still, one part of the mystery does haunt:
Why is the question -- Why tear down Yankee Stadium? -- so rarely asked?
Well, uhmm... hmm. So it goes. When gushing about Yankee Stadium, every sportswriter in captivity hits the thesaurus to look up majestic, because -- as top pro writers know -- you don't repeat a word twice in the same "graf." (That's insider writer lingo.) Thus, they ruminate about the regal, stately, imposing, grand, magnificent, etc., stature of "The House that Ruth Built," then move on to the matter of Melky's bigtoe. Privately, they'll tell you the urinals stink, the press box creaks, you can't get a decent mocha latte -- which means, total dump. When they list the reasons why the majestic (damn, the word twice in a paragraph!) cathedral must go, batting ninth is luxury seating.
Well, uhmm... hmm. So it goes. When gushing about Yankee Stadium, every sportswriter in captivity hits the thesaurus to look up majestic, because -- as top pro writers know -- you don't repeat a word twice in the same "graf." (That's insider writer lingo.) Thus, they ruminate about the regal, stately, imposing, grand, magnificent, etc., stature of "The House that Ruth Built," then move on to the matter of Melky's bigtoe. Privately, they'll tell you the urinals stink, the press box creaks, you can't get a decent mocha latte -- which means, total dump. When they list the reasons why the majestic (damn, the word twice in a paragraph!) cathedral must go, batting ninth is luxury seating.
The Million Dollar Answer.
I just visited England. Toured Westminster Abbey. What idiots, those Brits. They could have torn that old dump down, built a Disney replica and Mushnick's boss, Rupert Murdoch, could have his own private masturbatorium. He could entertain Rudy Guiliani, who could tell the UK how much better off they are, moneywise, in the new Pepsi-minster Abbey Powered by Jeep!
I just visited England. Toured Westminster Abbey. What idiots, those Brits. They could have torn that old dump down, built a Disney replica and Mushnick's boss, Rupert Murdoch, could have his own private masturbatorium. He could entertain Rudy Guiliani, who could tell the UK how much better off they are, moneywise, in the new Pepsi-minster Abbey Powered by Jeep!
I live in Syracuse, NY, which one possessed a crown jewel of the minors, MacArthur Stadium (right). The urinals stank, the press box creaked, and you couldn't buy a decent latte. We tore it down, built a plastic-turf shoebox that changes its name every few years, as soon as the new corporate naming sponsor realizes that nobody gives a shit about the team anymore. We had a cathedral. We now have a mall.
With luxury boxes. Did I forget to mention?
We have luxury boxes.
We're entering the home stretch, when fans begin mourning the last days of the old cathedral. These will be sad occasions. Everyone shall feel the sense of loss. Too bad, they'll say.
Fuck that shit.
The end of Yankee Stadium is not sad.
The end of Yankee Stadium is not sad.
It flat-out stinks.
We squander billions on stadiums that are designed to move the average fan farther from the action. That's taxpayer money, folks! No matter what stripe you wear on your political uniform, that's public funding that could have gone to projects that actually matter: Roads, levies, sewers, energy conservation, nuclear bombs -- whatever floats your boat -- that money could have actually improved the country.
It went to destroy a cathedral, so millionaires could sit by themselves.
OK... here's the deal, at least for me:
From now on, every time somebody laments the sad occasion of the end of Yankee Stadium, if they don't show at least a little anger, a little outrage, a little contempt for the forces that brought this on... they're getting it.
Nobody gets to "oh dear" this without coughing up a little bile to the forces that hijacked baseball, the people who were willing to tear down a shrine because it didn't have a dress code disco lounge.
Welcome aboard, Mr. Mushnick.
More, sir. More.
The Stadium hasn't been "the Stadium" in almost 30 years. In '75 when they remodeled it, they destroyed it and rebuilt. Sure, its in the same place where Ruth called his shot and Maris and Mantle chased Ruth's HR record, but its far from the same field, same plate, same dugout or stands. No, the fact remains that the only enduring fact that has never, and will never, change since Ruth's day (and will certainly carry over to the new stadium) is the fan base and their love for the team.
ReplyDeleteWhere ever you play Yankee games there will always been the knowledge in the Yankee fans heart that Ruth played here. Mantle played here. Jeter, Reggie, Munson, DiMaggio, Gehrig and Yogi played here. They may not have walked out of the same tunnel, sat on the same bench or slid into the same 2nd base, but they were still Yankees.
That combined with the fact that the new stadium looks extremely similar to the old one, is virtually right next to the old one and will still be called Yankee stadium, gives me the opportunity to see the new stadium crowned something else. From my point of view, the more things change, the more they stay the same. :)
Honest, not trying to stir up a hornet's nest here, but doesn't the new stadium look like it was designed by Albert Speer circa 1932?
ReplyDeleteVery monolitic, bold, hulking and and a reminder of architecture from, um, Europe.
They shouldn't be allowed to call the new stadium "Yankee Stadium."
ReplyDeleteYou know what's going to happen? Some rich Poobah in Dubai is going to buy the old stadium and erect it in the desert, as a curiosity.
So should we call it the Good Nazi Stadium?
ReplyDeleteThe current Stadium is a piece of shit. It is time for a new one. There is no such thing as mystique and aura. All there is are 15 minute lines for the bathrooms and 30 minute lines for rubber chicken fingers. It is time for a new Stadium.
ReplyDeleteI like the people selling beer:
ReplyDelete"BEER LADY HERE!!"
"WHO'S DRINKING?!"
"BECK'S BEER! BECK'S BEER! BECK'S BEER!"
I have always been a Yankee fan like everyone in my family. Yes it is a birthright. You are correct centerfield is not 490 ft anymore, the monuments are no longer on the field and the stadium doesn't seat 80,000. The new Stadium will be a mall for millionaires and corporations. Don't worry about going to any meaningful games because seats were chopped right off the upper deck for luxury boxes that will lift what is left of the upper deck higher and farther from the field. So if you do get tickets to see the Yanks play Baltimore in the rain bring your binoculars. In case you have never been to Wrigley or Fenway don't bother going their chicken fingers suck. But then again true fans go there for baseball. Enjoy the corporate mall they are building next to the house that Ruth built while you choke on your sushi roll. Cause the babe ate hotdogs not chicken fingers or fish.
ReplyDelete