Yank Fans In Syracuse Dodge Bullet

Yowzer, that was close!

To those of you who do not live in or have reason to visit Syracuse, NY -- (you know who you are) -- please slog through this brief historical digest:

Syracuse has a souless Triple A baseball team called the Chiefs, (formerly SkyChiefs), which play in the even-more souless park called New Alliance Stadium, (formerly P&C Stadium), run by the ACME Sport Team & Flea Market Ball Salvage Company Inc.

Since the time before the Internet, and even before the birth of Lindsay Lohan, Syracuse has served as a farm club ("farm" in the sense of the phrase "ant farm') to the Toronto Blue Jays. Also, it's been that long since the Syracuse team won a meaningful game. Seriously. The last great Chief club had teen slugger Carlos Delgatto catching, I think, for Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown.

This year, hope appeared in the form of the amazing, magical Mets of NY, who announced plans to move their Triple A team to a closer destination than last year's club, which I think was located in Fairbanks, Alaska.

At that point, Syracuse's secret, all-powerful Star Chamber -- sort of a Knott's Berry Farm version of the international Tri-Lateral Commision -- began plotting ways to bring the Mets to town.

This is where Yank fans began to worry. (Needlessly, of course.)

For generations, Syracuse has been a Yank town. At least seven out of 10 fans follow the Yanks. The others hate the Yanks. Thus, any baseball conversation begins and ends with somebody wondering how Melky did last night. From there, it's downhill.

The only Syracuse people who follow the Chiefs closely are their landlords, presumably for the damage deposits.

Years ago, Syracuse was the Yankee Triple A farm team. ACME ran them out of town, proudly, which about sums up everything you need to know about ACME. (Fortunately, the Internet and Lindsay Lohan were invented around that time, and that's where the fans here have gone ever since.)

This is why we dodged the bullet: Within five years of the Mets settling in Syracuse, the city would have turned Met. I can't really explain the process, but it's much like in the movies, when a secondary character gets bitten by a zombie. Originally, no problemo. But within a few minutes, they're biting your hip, and the only cure is an ice scraper through the forehead.

Yep. Eventually, we'd go Met.

Fortunately, ACME and the Star Chamberl formed a secret Impenitable Shield of Impenitrabiltiy - which by its own definition is impenitrable -- and did not even bother to invite the Mets to visit Syracuse. (The county executive drafted a letter, probably on her Smith-Corona typewriter.) The Mets chose Buffalo before Syracuse even made a sales pitch.

Anyway, Syracuse gets the Washington Nationals, which is a half-step above the Tokyo Giants of the Japanese League. And Syracuse remains a safe Yank town.

Dodged a bullet. No surprise, though. The bullet had an inscription.


It says "ACME."