WASHINGTON _ In an effort to provide the most memorable opening day in history, the Yankees have signed U.S. Attorney General Michael Mulkasey to sing the National Anthem, standing at home plate in front of 69,000 people while a nationwide audience watches and waits for him to collapse into a heap.
"I don't know if it's tasteful, but it sure ought to be fun," new Yankee CEO Hal Steinbrenner said. "I mean, what's the difference between this and a Nascar race? Everybody goes to see the crash, right?"
The Yankees vow to have paramedics and "catchers" nearby for Mukasey's solo performance, which will be sung without microphone or lyric cards, after he has run twice around the playing field and done 50 pushups.
The Yankees chose Mukasey after learning the first 20 rows of nearby luxury boxes will be occupied by the Federalist Society, the only group that could afford them.
Mukasey, 67, said he's looking forward to the opportunity.
"It is gonnnnnnn to beeeeeeeeeeeee-uhhhhmm," he said, and declined further comment.
Just a little note to say I bought "Disquiet, Please" and enjoyed your essay. Loved that Bond is at a Days Inn, and it only gets better from there. Now I suppose I'll have to slog through David Sedaris and Steve Martin. And Patty Marx? We sent her galleys of my She-Fan book and she had the nerve to ignore us!
ReplyDeleteWe proud, strong and rich pirates in Somalia don't want nobody names Michael Mulkasey.
ReplyDeleteGive us Sarah Palin, NOW, please.
Patty Marx is a Redsock fan.
ReplyDelete