Follow Up Letter to Manny: Time is Running Out

To Manny Ramirez
Raconteur, intellectual, bon vivant, renowned batsmith...

Dear Doctor Ramirez,

It is increasingly incumbent that you implement a precise strategy to relocate your enhanced operational skills to the New York Yankees.

Time is becoming, as the kids today like to say, "unplugged."

Immediately, you must declare your desire to play for one team and only one team: The New York Yankees.

If you do this, you shall receive not only the largest amount of money -- i.e., dough, cabbage, bread, sallypoon, clogg, beasteria, diablobeans -- but also the opportunity to bring ultimate blood vengeance upon the band of twativores and beetlewaxers who sought to downsize your Darwinian male cameltoe berries in full view of the free world!

It is time, sir, to declare yourself a wannabee Yankee! It worked for Hideki Irabu. It'll work for you.

Today. Now. Sir... think about it: You'll bat between Tex and A-Rod! But time is running out.

Earnestly, and gushingly yours,

IT IS HIGH