Another Open Letter to Andy Pettitte: We Are Growing Disillusioned

Dear Andy,

Thanks to enhanced surveillance capabilities, obtained at considerable expense, we know quite a bit about visitors to this site.

They're college professors, captains of industry, Hollywood celebrities, private investigators with talking cars and anti-establishment hacker punks who have been recruited by the National Neighborhood Watch Force to fight crime.

And one other thing:

They bleed midnight blue.

Yesterday -- in the kind of landslide usually associated with Diebold -- they voted C.C. Sabathia as the pitcher most wanted to open the new Yankee Stadium.

Frankly, we don't buy it. Nothing against Sabathia here. The poll -- unlike on other sites, this IS scientific -- reveals an emotional lashing-out by fans who feel betrayed.

Sir... Sign the contract.

If you do, we will rerun that poll, and we guarantee you will win, even if we have to buy votes by selling Whitey Fraud's rare collection of pornographic Dora the Explorer inflatables. You will win with a margin Vlad Putin would appreciate.

The fans want you back. They just feel insulted.

Apparently, you thought the Yankees insulted you with a $10 million offer.

Sir, in this economy, no matter what the next guy makes, $10 million is no insult.

Frankly, to fans who care, it's an insult if you turn it down.

To Yankee officials: You're not guiltless. Get this done. He's a legacy. This is turning into one of those idiot situations where you talk yourself into doing something stupid, like invading a foreign country or dumping Joe Torre.

Andy... sign. You belong on the mound when the new stadium -- foul steakhouse and all -- is rendered unto humanity.

If it's someone else, I will feel sorry for you, no matter what your entourage is whispering. Because you will know in your heart you blew it.

As our voters blew it in the poll.

(Yeah, you frickin' bastards, you. WTF?!! I oughta put blocks on you, the way you embarrassed me. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU EMBARRASSED ME, YOU FRICKIN' HOLLYWOOD DOG-THANKERS. YOU THINK BLUEJAYSFOREVER.COM WOULD VOTE SABATHIA? SHAME ON YOU! YEEESH!)