I've Applied to Take Over Former Sausage and Beer Concession near Section 104

At the new Yankee stadium, they won't be selling Italian sausage and beer at my favorite spot ( near section 104 ) anymore.

There isn't enough " class " in sausages and beer for the new PSL holders.

I had drinks with my herboligist recently, and he told me of a new technology whereby you can infuse sheets and pillow cases with additives such as seaweed ticking and aloe vera DNA droplets, such that if you wake up in the morning, you'll have no more wrinkles, your skin will become soft and supple and you will have lost about ten pounds.

So here is my plan: I am going to the manufacturer tomorrow with three agave cactus plants, a peck of jalepenos, a tube of sea salt, a dozen limes and a gallon of Hera Dura Anejo.

If their chemists and bioligists can create microbeads from these ingredients, I can have them infused into pillows and sheets and sell them with NY Yankee logo-emblazed satin covers at the stadium.

When crushed by the human body, the ingredients in these sheets and pillowcases will not only soothe but provide a major buzz.

You go to bed sober and wake up drunk.

And for only $40 per sheet, $20 per pillowcase and $1,499 for tequilla ticking on a high-end visco memory foam matress ( queen ), I should do very well.

The Yankees want 60% of my take, but I would be authorized to listen to the game on radio ( John and Suzyn will be my first customers ).

Stop by my new concession stand if anyone out there ever gets a Yankee ticket.