Saturday, February 14, 2009

The House that Juice Built: 10 Unique Features of Miami's new "Alex Rodriguez Park"

After receiving $3.9 million from Arod, the University of Miami has renamed its baseball stadium Alex Rodriguez Park at Mark Light Field. Some features...

1. Each seat has syringe-holder.

2. Luxury suites include shower photos, locks of hair, bits of clothing, from Derek Jeter.

3. Stadium loses power with runners in scoring position.

4. Centerfield lap dance court.

5. Scoreboards feature asterisks.

6. All fans' urine collected and tested, with results kept completely confidential!

7. Stadium-wide sensors detect presence of Selena Roberts.

8. Games played with shriveled balls.

9. Grass watered daily with Miracle-Gro.

10. Facility not available for post-season.
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6 comments:

  1. The Ghost of Scott BrosiusFebruary 14, 2009 at 9:32 AM

    "3. Stadium loses power with runners in scoring position."

    I almost pissed myself when I read that one

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 14, 2009 at 10:00 AM

    Each one of these was downright genius.

    GOSB, I agree, #3 was the best.

    But running a close second are #2, #4, #7, #8 and #10.

    Wow Duque

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 14, 2009 at 11:23 AM

    11. Most Valuable Stadium of 2009

    ReplyDelete
  4. Alibi IkeFebruary 14, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    11. The extreme pressure caused by being the best park in the Miami area will cause it to shift positions and backtrack from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousFebruary 14, 2009 at 2:22 PM

    I like #7. I, personally, am getting a court order to keep her 50' away from my house.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousFebruary 15, 2009 at 5:47 PM

    It's not juice, but JEWS, you idiot.

    Who do you think spends money in NYC?

    Certainly not those cheap Buddhists.

    ReplyDelete

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