Open Letter to Alex Rodriguez: Have You Lost It, Sir?

From the Desk of Yankees Shamus: IIH, IIF, II...c Attack Editor

Dear Alex Rodriguez,

Good Day Sir.

It appears you may be in a bit of a bind here. Now, I can't begin to give advice or pointers because I'm not in your shoes and have no knowledge of such a type of situation would I dare offer tips.

But I am concerned by one bit of news I just heard booming on the Ellsbury-Schilling-Papelbon-Network...

In an extraordinary interview to be conducted sometime in the afternoon at a

location undisclosed, you will attempt to discuss this alter ego of yours from 2003, 'Alex Roid-riguez' in an exclusive interview with Peter Gammons, head 'Gammonite' of ESPN fame and The Gammons Globe of Bahstan, and First Commanding Seargent of The Red Sock Nation of Idiots, also known as Theo's Consigliere....

My question is, have you lost your holy hell fawkin' mind? Gammons?! Him --> ?

Of all the Kurkjians, Kepners, Kernans, Klappy-one-eyes and Olneys! What in the name of Abraham are you Thinking MAN ? I can think of many-a-merry Maddens and Maurys who would love to hear your side of the story on this issue.

Hell, I can think of a few names that would make me shudder, should you have chosen, say, Tony Assarotti or that Dan Shaughnessy asshole. Heck, I might have vomit in my mouth should you had chosen to lay down with Lupica and spill the beans and tears on national TV.

But Peter Freakin' Gammons?

I mean, Peter Gammons? Do you think the ol' Gammonite Emperor is going to bring his Katie Couric-game? Do you think he's going to blow kisses at you with softball questions resembling late-career-Bahstan-Red-Sock-Bartolo-Calzone fastballs?

NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The only way I can grab the concept from whirling in my head is this scenario:



I cause heavy, mass damage to the World. I blow up countries, demolish capitals and slay millions....



They finally catch me. I am to be tried in the court of public opinion by the world.



And who do I decide to have represent me in my war crimes trial? Who will be the man to help me explain why I did what I did with meatball questions and soft segues? Who will be the first to help me portray my voice to the millions watching, waiting....?