The State of the Yankees: Alibi Ike

Our nation’s economy is in the worst shape it has been since the Great Depression, or maybe even further back, I don’t know, because commentators (and bloggers) are too lazy to do any research beyond remembering old flicks shown on Turner Classic Movies. Our nation has lost its will to succeed. After eight years of out of control government spending and rampant financial speculation, they are wondering how $2,000,000,000,000 in wealth can be wiped out in six months and why they have nothing to show for it. Not even government cheese.

In order to preserve our way of life for our children and grandchildren, we need to reassess. If they are to have an America that they can love and cherish and protect with sandbags from rising sea water, we need to get back to the basics of what makes America great.

Thankfully, the New York Yankees have reverted to their familiar form. They’ve given up the idea that they can escape their post-season recession by growing prospects from the farm-system. Instead, they’ve opened their wallets and will fill their taxpayer-sponsored stadium with the best players that wheelbarrows of money can buy.

It matters not that other teams find a way to make it to the World Series with payrolls that couldn’t fund our national tadpole research program. It matters not that taking a family to a game at Yankee Stadium might require a second mortgage (no one’s giving them out anyway). It matters not that even when the Yankees lose, they still get more national media coverage than any other baseball team, save two.

What matters is that money talks, and bullshit walks, if it has the patience to lay off the breaking ball.

Who will support the players’ posses, trainers and nebulous cousins, if not the Yankees? Who will support the hard-hit nightclubs and golf courses and gated Florida communities, if not the Yankees? Who will inspire the young and the avaricious to sacrifice everything decent and honorable in the soul of man for a chance at an Olympian payday, if not the Yankees?

After the attacks of 9/11, former President Bush said our enemies hate America for who we are and the values we cherish. He then urged all Americans to go out and start shopping. That sentiment is just as valid then as it is today. Thank God the Yankees remember how to spend.