"A-Roid?" Somebody, Anybody... Please Shoot Me

Letter from a Redsock fan:

Dear Mr. (el duque),

I am writing to offer you my sincere condolences regarding the latest
scandal to rock your Yankees.

I know that tomorrow you will be seeing headlines like the one in the subject line of this e-mail (A-Roid), and I know the pain that will cause.
My own belief is that the Yankees have a right to hire as many juicers as they want.

(Of course, we Red Sox feel differently about it, getting rid of the Rocket, for example, when his non-roid era was over. But that is our choice.) I think that if the Yankees want to change their name to the Juicers, or do anything else that will endear them to fans, (and perhaps bring in some sponsorship dollars from Tampa-area orange growers) the team should be allowed to do so.

Nonetheless, I know that his must be a difficult time for you, so I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.

Bill

P.S. If we are looking for a bright side in all this, we need look no further than the fact that this S.I. article has proved once and for all what scientists have been able to only guess at: steroids do not help players hit in the clutch.