Yankeetorial: "Confidential" Urine Tests...The New Yellow Journalism

Yesterday, we learned that Arod tested hot for steroids in 2003, based on confidential tests approved by the Players Union.


Confidential tests. What a joke.


As we know, dirt on a Yankee always becomes public.

Consider this little graf in today's The New York Times' account:

The two people who confirmed Rodriguez’s result spoke on the condition of anonymity because they did not want to jeopardize their access to sensitive material.

That's probably true, in a way. A truer truth is that the pair spoke on the condition of, "Holy Fuggin Shit! It's Arod!" and they'd been getting lit and blathering to friends since the Christmas party and can't remember who they told anyway, and "Fukinay, it's Arod!" Senstitive material? Hell, it's the fixin's for a book deal, if they can finagle this to an agent. Does Scott Boras represent anonymous sources?


Confidential tests.


The MLB war on drugs.


Yeah, right.


Should we start vetting Yankees, like Supreme Court nominees?


What if CC Sabathia hired an illegal immigrant yardman? Are there pictures lurking of AJ Burnett's nipple rings? Did Mark Teixiera ever fail to pay a parking ticket?


Today's market for Yankee player dirt is even greater than for the old Yankee Stadium dirt, which (right) is now going for $60 an ounce. (Not sure what a dime bag looks like, but let's face it, some Hawaiian Yankee Stadium dirt would probably be more expensive, because of its potency.)



Of course, if today's story involved a Kansas City Royal or Pittsburgh Pirate, it would be on page 13. If it involved Colter Bean, he might sue MLB for the breach in confidentiality. He might even get a money settlement. Not ARod. Nope. He's the big lug, the smiling face roadside billboard full of bullet holes. Nobody defends him. They'll throw syringes at him in Boston. They'll chant A-Fraud in New York. He'll probably make the Hall of Fame at age 70, through the veterans committee. The writers will never forgive him.


One hundred four players tested positive in 2003.

How much do you want to bet the others stay confidential?

MLB will hang ARod -- as it hung Bonds and Clemens -- then walk away, toasting a job well done. The world will scream about Yankees, while 390-pound tackles dance in NFL end zones. They'll sell Arod's urine on the Internet because "Hey, it's fuckinay Arod!" and all past rules no longer apply.

Buy the piss now, folks.

It's still hot, and cheaper than ever.