My fellow Yankemericans...
Despite the truce of winter, we are being attacked from every direction.
Our former leader, Joe Torre, launches long-range missiles upon us.
Baseball America mocks our young generation of prospects.
Our players union betrays us.
Anonymous sources turn our own precious urine against us.
Politicians assail our tax breaks.
Our town criers, Sir Lupica and Frier Madden, call for beheadings in the square.
Selena Roberts, the Barry Bonds of bad sports metaphors, stalks us.
Due to our unwillingness to join Kaballah, Madonna scorns us.
Wall Street tycoons ignoring our $500,000 suites.
Jorge’s shoulder will limit him.
Jeter nears the End of Days.
We are a nation facing a Great Depression.
STAND FIRM!
WE HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF! AND MAYBE THE LOSS OF MARIANO!
Everywhere, Redsock fans lie in ambush. They have prepared their Fenway chants. They know MLB will keep secret the other 103 players -- Big Pappi, Varitek, Nomar, et al. Their Curt Schillings will scream the loudest for our hangings, because that is what hypocrites always do. (See Ted Haggart, Jimmy Bakker, et al.)
They want to crucify Alex Rodriguez for the collective sins of a generation. They want to savage a team for its legacy of success. They want our heads from their empty pennant poles.
Form a circle. Spears up.
For us and our country, we only one option:
Win the World Series.
Actually, things can only get better.
ReplyDeleteI mean, when A-Roid was perpetuating the Fraud, we won nothing.
So, now that the lies , fraud, and HGH are in the open, maybe we have a shot, after all.
Maybe the Red Sox attacks will work in our favor.
Is Nick Swisher clean?
How about checking his girlfriend's urine?
I think this is the perfect time to sign Manny. No one would even notice. 3/65 get it done Cash.
ReplyDeleteDuke,
ReplyDeleteDon't forget about the Adventures of Joba Chamberlain
I'm printing this out and waving it at passersby as I stand on the street corner. And yeah, we should sign Manny. Griffey too. Sign 'em all!
ReplyDeleteI'm printing this out and waving it at passersby as I stand on the street corner. And yeah, we should sign Manny. Griffey too. Sign 'em all!
ReplyDeleteYikes. I apparently have a stutter. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteDamn, She-Fan, I thought you were so revved up that you were going to it twice.
ReplyDeleteThat's the kind of volunteerism it's going to take to turn this ship around.