Thursday, March 19, 2009

Exclusive: Transcript of Arod's Photo Session with Details

O my, now, onto the mattress, king boy! O yes, o yes, o yes! Work it! You're A-Rod. You're mean! Grrrrreeeowwl! You're on fire! Sizzle, scorch, sizzle! Tiger on fire! Kitty-kitty-kitty! Meow! Gimmie some ice water! Pour it out! Who dat in the mirror? Who dat in the mirror!


You’re a beast! A man-eating beast! Onto your belly! Gimmie 10, Marine! You're in the Corps! Sgt. Barry Bonds is a pussycat! Sgt. Babe Ruth is a worm! Think Derek Jeeeeeeeeter, grrrrrrrrrowl! Hello-o-o, Derek! See me now? O, the socks! Gimmie 10! Gimmie some sugar!

OK, onto the back! O, lift the leg! Kitty want thigh! Kitty want man-cake! Hump it, hold it, yeahhhhh, you're Papa now! Who dat pretty man in da glass? Who dat pretty man? In the sailor suit! Who dat pretty man in de sailor suit! YOWZER! LOOK AT THE TIRE, O, YES!


Look in the window! Who, WHO DAT? Closer! Gimmie some glass! Gimmie some chistle! Hunka-hunka burnin' man beef! HOO DAT MANCAKE IN DE SHINY LOOKING GLASS? SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, COWBOY! CUT ME A SLICE! BREAK ME OFF A PIECE A PIECE A THAT! MADONNA-RAMMA GONNA WANNA, SHE GONNA WANNA, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, COWBOI! Uhm.... whoa... that was... nice... Arod?... Mr. Rodriguez?... sir...?... we're done... we can go now?... hello?
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7 comments:

  1. I'm Bill WhiteMarch 19, 2009 at 9:47 AM

    I give you an A+, but it all just makes me wish they listened to Cashman in '07.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMarch 19, 2009 at 10:45 AM

    Why did we re-sign this poof?

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 19, 2009 at 11:48 AM

    I'm fixated on the mattress. Couldn't they come up with a Simmons Beauty Rest? The one they used is cheesy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMarch 19, 2009 at 11:52 AM

    She-Fan,

    Call me, I can help with that obsession. (I'm sure you prefer pillowtop with satin sheets.)

    There is obviously some traumatic event in your recent past. Maybe in Tampa?

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMarch 19, 2009 at 12:27 PM

    Whats wrong with everyone? I wish we had more Arods. Arod rules.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousMarch 19, 2009 at 2:03 PM

    I wonder if this is what Cynthia was talking about after their divorce when she said one day Arod will wake up and he'll crash. And if so, can we expect alot more of this? And should I be horrified or amused at the endless unintentional comedy?

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousMarch 19, 2009 at 10:33 PM

    Did he pay David Berkowitz for the mattress?

    ReplyDelete

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