We're Number One in Integrating Highly Advanced Antimicrobial Systems

This sounds like a humor piece. Frankly, it should be a humor piece. It's not. Check out this bowel movement of Yankee news, fresh from the wire:

CSG, in conjunction with the New York Yankees, announced the new Yankee Stadium will become the first facility in Major League Baseball (MLB) to be treated with the Sports Antimicrobial System(TM) (SAS). Comprised of several leading-edge and highly advanced products, the SAS is a
comprehensive process that kills illness-causing microorganisms and continually inhibits the growth of bacteria, mold and fungi on any surface for up to three
years.

"We feel the Sports Antimicrobial System will be critical to our operations in 2009," said Doug Behar, Senior Director, Stadium Operations.

WTF? Randy Levine will hose down fans with Lysol? Kill the germs that can cause bad breath?

WTF? The first rule of stadium anticeptic spray is, you don't talk about Fight Club.

This spray will be great until Jeter's first melanoma. Will the grounds crew rake out dead infield shrews during the 7th inning stretch?

We've come a long way from pine tar. Ours is the first stadium to be accused of juicing.