I always get my facts in a row after a few little shooters and a box of frozen Tropical Dots.And I got to reading some of my Yankee notes from Tampa, which I had jotted down on napkins and found stuffed in my blue jeans (while reaching for a twenty).
Most of you know that I have great respect and appreciation for level-headed thinking and sound reasoning. Please understand that my notes are a bit dis-jointed, but here's what I think I meant to capture:
1. I apparently invited She-Fan and her husband, as my guests, to opening day at the new Yankee stadium. Accordingly, I made my best effort to secure tickets and found the following response this morning from the Yankee's head office:
Dear Mr. Alphonso,
The New York Yankees regret that we are unable to fulfill your request for three tickets to opening day 2009. However, we do have available 3 seats together for the game Wednesday afternoon, April 22, against the Athletics.
These seats are in Section 24B, Row 5, and are available for the price of $2,625 per ticket, plus a $59.70 convenience charge and a $3.25 fee for order processing.
Please send us the routing number for your Bank, along with your checking account number, and we can direct debit your account.
Hope you enjoy the game !!!
Sincerely,
Leon
Outcome: Sorry She-Fan, I could not secure tickets for us to the opening day game. But I did give them the information on my account at Lehman Bros.
2. After months of haggling with NYC officials, the Yankees have reached a tentative agreement with the City whereby the Yankees will pay the City $10 million for the sale of what is salvaged from the now redundant, original ( and once re-habbed ) Yankee stadium.
Profits from sales above $10 million go to the Yankees, with the team paying the City 5% of whatever it makes once sales reach $15.9 million, 10% above $17 million and so on.
And so on?
Outcome: This is only an agreement in principle and could fall apart. Meanwhile, what is my bid for a spoonfull of dirt? Or a nice toilet fixture?
In this economy, I would think the Yankees should set up a swap-shop for cash in the AIG building, where the corporate signage has been removed due to an abundance of death threats.
City Contoller William Thompson recently gave this economic stimulus model his tentative approval, but the Yankees have balked. The Yankees are concerned that their detritus might be undervalued.
3. Speaking of balks; this reporter has learned that the Yankees recently turned down a pre-paid, full page, four-color advertisement intended to appear in this year's opening day program.
The offensive advertisement was for Jane Heller's amazing and entertaining book, " Confessions of a She-Fan." If I were better with technology ( we don't get reception down where I am ), I would show you the offending advertisement.
It apparently did not satisfy Yankee censors that lifelong loyalty to the Yankees, along with a generous up-front payment, is sufficient incentive for them to comply with normal business practices.
Dealing with the Yankee front office is beginning to feel more and more like dealing with that Kim dude in North Korea ( who just won that baseball tournament, by the way). Right ?
Outcome: my guess is that She-Fan's blog will soon erupt on this subject. Take a read.
If She-Fan had asked, I would have taken care of her program ad. Too late; they've already gone to press.
ReplyDeleteThat's what you get for putting your fate in the "hands" of this drunken, misanthropic charlatan. Bet he got a free book, too.
Sorry we won't be going to Opening Day, Alphonso, but the Yankees probably would have barred the door anyway. Apparently, they have mistaken me for Selena Roberts. I haven't erupted yet on my blog. I'm waiting to hear if Keith Olbermann will name the Yankees "the worst people in the world."
ReplyDeleteDear Whitey,
ReplyDeleteYou speak as though there is something wrong, or limiting, with being a drunken, masanthropic charlatan.
I don't get it.
Dearest Alpo;
ReplyDeleteIf it works for you, it works for me.
My motto is "the right tool for the job," so yeah.