Family of Ted Williams Despair at Use of Frozen Head

It was revealed today that workers at an Arizona creep factory, aka a

cryonics facility, have been using the frozen head of legendary Boston

Red Sox icon for batting practice and bocci.

"It is not as useful for bocci," quipped Lisa Ledgrave a technical

assistant in charge of refrigeration, " because the nose and ears throw off

the balance, and cause the head to drift left or right unexpectedly."

Ted's head, known administratively at the facility as " Alcorian A-1949"

is kept in liquid nitrogen when not " in play."

" The worst day," stated an employee who requested anonymity, " was when Ted's head could not be dislodged from a tuna fish can." This reporter could not get a comment as to the role of tuna fish cans in

the company's day to day operations.

One can only surmise that the can fits the neck well and aids in full frontal

displays and photos for family holiday cards.

Ted's body, which is bar-coded for future re-joining with the head, was found by Buzz Harmon, the ballplayer's good friend and former director of the Ted Williams Museum in Hernando, Florida.

Buzz, accompanied by a paid mortician, snuck into the Arizona facility in 2003 and found Ted's body in a steel tank alongside cardboard boxes and junk.

According to a recent book on the subject, " Frozen" by Larry Johnson and Scott Baloyga ( forward by Curt Schilling?), Ted's head had holes drilled in it for the insertion of several microphones, so employees could record the sounds of William's brain cracking as the liquid nitrogen dropped to -321 degrees Farenheit.

Red Sox Nation has registered no offense at this treatment of their best legend.