In recent days, you've been holding back -- a pair of 6.00+ WinWarbles that would befit a June stomping of Baltimore, not a World Series game.
We know what you're doing: You're refusing to celebrate until the job is done.
Tonight could be the night.
Sir, nobody knows the future. Not even Jimmy Rollins. Fate could deposit us back here, same time next year, or never again. We've gone 9 years since your last World Series-ending WinWarble. The world changed.
This is the reality: You may never get another chance to set the all-time record.
This will be the Warble that goes to Cooperstown, to ESPN, and into those chips they use for bottle openers. It will be verbally enhanced. And it MUST beat your current record for a verbally enhanced Warble: 11.58 seconds.
This one needs to break the 12-second sound barrier.
Sir, respectfully, this is what you should say:
"BALLGAME OVER!
.
"WORLD SERIES SERIES OVER!
.
"TWO THOUSAND NINE SEASON OVER!
.
"NEAR DECADE OF YANKEE FRUSTRATION OVER!
.
"ECONOMIC RECESSION, DESPITE LINGERING HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT, OVER!
.
"NATIONAL DECLINE IN STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES OF CHILDREN OVER!
.
"PAIN AND SUFFERING OF ALL HUMANKIND -
WITH EXCEPTION OF
WITH EXCEPTION OF
AFGHANISTAN, IRAQ, PAKISTAN
AND GREATER DETROIT AREA - OVER!
"YANKEES WIN...
.
"THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH...
.
"YANKEES...
.
(Sir, don't forget to breathe.)
.
"WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
There will probably be some suffering in the Delaware Valley.
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