Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Scientific Inquiry into the Alarming Growth of John Sterling World Series WinWarbles, as measured longitudinally across 11-year stretch

The facts don't lie. The average World Series-clinching WinWarble is growing at an alarming rate. This is not a natural phenomenon. It is caused by man.

This year's final WinWarble, which seemed short comparative to earlier warbles, measures about 33 percent longer than its 1998 equivalent. That means 33 percent more carbon dioxide being spewed into the air. That means John Sterling may be setting himself up for serious health problems later on. The human voicebox is not equipped for such stress.

Thank you, Dan, for alerting us to this critical issue.

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6 comments:

  1. Warble Critic AlphNovember 10, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    This is brilliant.

    Fantastic.

    Great work.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JasonNovember 10, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    clearly an intervention is needed. Perhaps we can setup a ruse?

    ReplyDelete
  3. adamNovember 10, 2009 at 3:47 PM

    Whoever did this analysis gets a gold star, for sure. However, I would think that win warbles IN GENERAL have tended to be longer. This could be for a variety of reasons: internal and external pressure to advertise and extend the length of the winwarble (are we at fault?), desire to take more and longer breaths to get the same voice inflection and power as he ages (would anybody care to compare some of the longer win warbles this season on a speaking-only basis?), or simply the change from "YANKEES win" to "YANKEES... WIIINN!"

    Much more research is necessary to fully explore the implications that this preliminary analysis has unearthed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wilford BrimleyNovember 10, 2009 at 5:41 PM

    Science is for losers.

    ReplyDelete
  5. dadlakNovember 10, 2009 at 8:28 PM

    The overlapped version defies description.

    ReplyDelete
  6. dadlakNovember 10, 2009 at 8:29 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete

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