Dear Madams or Sirs,
Well, aren't we Mr. and Mrs. Goody-Twoshoes with a Brass Buckled Belt! Hooray for us! Our team won the 2009 World Series! Lookit us, We're King and Queen Whooptieshits!
Sorry to break the news, boys and girls, but the party's over. Last year is history. It's a headline in the catbox. You think we'll be happy with a one-and-done? Ask Tom Coughlin what he thinks about a one-and-out series of downs. You think we'll settle for a bang slam thankyou maam? Ask Kate Hudson what she thinks of that. Go ahead. I dare you.
Everybody took holiday week off. Fine. Other teams worked. The Cubs scurried around on New Years Eve to sign Marlon Byrd. Can you imagine working on New Years Eve to sign Marlon Byrd? (Somebody hit the eggnog too early.)
But it's time to work. It's time settle this Johnny Damon thing.
Listen: If Rupert Murdoch can come to an agreement with the faceless outer space alien bugs that run Time Warner -- that's right, two of the most evil corporations in America, coming together as if it's a panty raid at the Bohemian Grove -- well, if Stalin can sleep with Hitler, you Yankee heirs and heiresses ought to be able to meet halfway with our best clutch-hitting leftfielder since Yogi moved from catcher.
Call Johnny Damon today. Tell him he's a Yankee. Tell him you want him to go into the Hall of Fame as a Yankee. Tell him left field is still open for a reason. Tell him that Mean Old Mr. Cashman says you've got a budget, but you can break it for a special occasion. Tell him we're not one and done. Tell him you'll move up if he'll come down. Then cancel the Fiji trip. Rent a yacht instead of buying a new one. Sell the summer house in Solvay.
Listen: You have no idea how Curtis Granderson, Nick Johnson and Javier Vazquez will carry the Steinbrenner name in pressure situations. (Actually, we do have an idea how Vazquez will do, but I'll be charitable and not elaborate here.) Johnny Damon is a gamer.
Get Johnny back, and the Yankees will win the World Series in 2010.
And you won't get your faces slapped by Kate Hudson.
I Agree with duque. Damon's numbers plus his 'Yankee Stadium Swing' are made for us at this point. It will bring back a well rounded lineup with speed and OBP. Sure he throws like a girl but that hasnt stoppped us or anyone yet for that matter.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we can sign this guy too?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7W5N9TySsQ
Duke, this is why you're the IIH Blogger of the Decade. From your mouth to God's ears...
ReplyDelete"Johnny Damon is a gamer."
ReplyDeleteOh please everyone wanted to bat him ninth after he really struggled in the last few weeks of the season and sucked in the ALDS and the first few games of the ALCS. He did terribly in the 2006 ALDS too. But he stole two bases in TEH WORLD SERIES!!! and won postseason moment of the year in the This Year in Baseball Awards zomgz! (and Jacoby Ellsbury won defensive player of the year...) so everyone wants to bring him back for five years/$15M each. I hate you all. A lot.
That said I like the guy and I wouldn't mind having him back for two years at a decent price, but it's just not happening.
ReplyDeleteI won't be able to live without my 24 "johnny Rockets" this year! Sing him and I'll be able to sleep again..
ReplyDeleteJohhny is key to the repeat... this budget nonsense must come to an end.
ReplyDelete