Times: Corrupting Granderson will be New York's greatest achievement yet

Curtis Granderson, meet your new crackpipe!

That's the chant echoing across the streets of NYC today, as Gotham prepares to ruin the innocent, doe-eyed former Tiger, the newest Yankee star.

So says today's Times.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of hype around St. Curtis' love for humanity. Let's cut through the crapola and see what YOU know... with our CURTIS GRANDERSON TRUE OR FALSE SAINTHOOD QUIZ.

1. The day he signed his $30 million contract extension with the Yankees, he celebrated with a dollar meal at McDonalds.

TRUE. He had a double cheeseburger, and he liked it!

2. He once turned down a free Corvette and took a free Malibu instead.

TRUE. He's a Malibu kind 'a guy!

3. He serves party guests leftovers from soup kitchens.

TRUE. His favorite dish is dogfood marinated in regurgitated wino vomit.
(ACTUALLY, FALSE. Just kidding. Want to keep this post lively.)

4. His favorite airline is Southwest.

TRUE. Although the fact that he can aford to fly certainly makes him elitist.

5. Wherever he goes, he always brings along a free pizza.

FALSE. Too bad, too, because then we'd really have someone.

6. Instead of taking money from Nike, he has the company donate shoes to needy kids.

TRUE. Nobody goes barefoot in the Bronx this summer.

7. He gave his left kidney to his high school soccer coach.

FALSE. You're right. Trick question. He wouldn't be playing soccer.

Congratulations, Curtis Granderson. Lady Gaga, he's all yours.