Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Yankeetorial: In the name of Jesus Montero, we must turn the other cheek and forgive the Yankee Buckner

To the Yankiverse:
For most of the last century, anthropologists detailed the Redsock fan as a "perpetually brooding malingerer who instinctively hates life, due to flaws that lurk inside an angry, sexually perverse and hideously shriveled Bostonian skullcap."

Premier case in point: Bill Buckner.

Buckner made an error in game six of the 1986 World Series. He didn't lose the game. He didn't lose the series. The team did. Unfortunately, Boston needed a pariah. Calvin Schiraldi's ERA of 13.50 wasn't good enough. (That's a lookup, BTW, hooray for me, thankyouverymuch.) For 20 years, they blamed everything in their miserable, insectlike lives on Bill Buckner.

Javier Vasquez is the Yankee Buckner.

Like it or not, fate returned him to our doorstep.

Today, he gets announced. We don't need to stand up for the bastard.

BUT WE MUST RISE UP ABOVE OUR ENEMIES. WE MUST NOT BOO JAVIER VASQUEZ ON OPENING DAY.

I say... no booing, at least until, say, July. If he still sucks in July... we go Ed Whitson on him.

In the name of Jesus Montero.

2 comments:

  1. July????
    You realize this is New York.
    We don't wait until July in New York.
    Maybe we should, but we don't.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If he's lucky, the fans'll cut him some slack for about two innings tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete

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