Henry Cotto beats George Foreman

Frankly, I don't know why anybody would pay to see those geezers go at it, but hey -- I once predicted Steve Balboni would break Maris' record -- what do I know?

Here's the recap from tonight's action at "historic" Yankee Stadium:

Round 1: From the gitgo, Henry "Q-Tip" Cotto targets the Foreman grill, jabbing at the bigger man's chops and steaks. Unfortunately, Cotto swings and misses far too often.

Round 2: Foreman goes on the attack, using his "lean mean grillin' machine" smile to corner the former Yankee, while jeering crowds chant "Lee Guetterman, Lee Guetterman!" referring to the pitcher the Yankees received after trading Cotto to Seattle.

Round 3: Between rounds, Cotto cut man Dallas Green accidently jabs a foreign instrument into his ear, breaking an eardrum. He begins swinging for the fences, which is a bad idea, since over 10 years in the majors, he only hit 44. Foreman, on the other, resurrects his old Saturday Night Live hosting days, telling jokes that he knows Cotto cannot hear.

Round 4: Cotto lands a Q-Tip jab on the overwhelmed "fat catcher" atop Foreman's double-sided grill. The impact causes Foreman temporary amnesia, and he believes he is a greeter at the Mohegan Sun Casino and Resort. He stretches out a hand of friendship, thinking he is standing with fellow ex-boxer Jerry Cooney, when Cotto's mitt catches him in the jowels, ending the fight.

Cotto wins.