World Cup to hire Joe West

BREAKING _ Hoping to mollify critics, FIFA has signed MLB umpire Joe West to call goals and strikes in the final rounds of the 2010 World Cup.

The veteran arbitor said he's delighted with the chance to showcase his seeing-eye skills, especially because  the game of soccer moves along much more quickly, to his liking. In fact, West confessed that he's been watching FIFA games on a mini-screen TV throughout the last four weeks, and he often yells "Goaaaaal!" instead of "Out!" because he has forgotten where he is.

West (pictured right, celebrating a recent goal by the now-eliminated North Korea) is revered by MLB for costing the Yankees the 2005 World Championship by refusing to call an obvious Mike Mussina strikeout of Angels outfielder Steve Finley, in a critical situation against the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles. The call broke the Yankees' backs, allowing the Chicago White Sox to win what West called "the World Cup of baseball."

FIFA officials said they hired West because he represented the only change that could possibly make the current system look competent.

"There has been a lot of talk about moving to an upgraded, American style system," a FIFA official said. "Well, here's an American system. Let's see how they like this."