10 Yankee Rules That Require Losses

Last night, an effective example of Rule #1: Team must follow a dramatic comeback victory (humbling of Joe Torre on national TV) with losing streak. 

2. Hitters required to fail against any career minor league pitcher called up for emergency spot start.

3. When on verge of stardom, Brett Gardner must hurt thumb.

4. No offense allowed against any pitcher hammered in recent outings by lesser teams.

5. Team must abandon plate discipline when facing pitcher with control problems.

6. No signing or obtaining effective Asian hurlers.

7. Team must endure horrible streak during May.

8. Following blown save by Mariano, team must lose several.

9. When one key player returns, another must get hurt.

10. No sure bridge to Mariano allowed.