Jeez Montero bashedeth two HRs Tuesday night, both opposite field miracles, in the above-ground diamond mine located in the Anthracite Capital of the World -- yea unto Scranton! -- alternative home to Dwight Shrute and Vice President Joe Bite-Me!Tonight, 3 for 3 with a double. Since the all-star break, he's batting .524.
In fact, ever since we betrayed Jesus in a trade -- only to have the deal scuttled by a large, bearded Voice from Heaven, which almost perfectly coincided with the calling of George Steinbrenner to meet his maker -- Montero has ascendedeth onto a team-saving tear: 4 homers, a flock of base hits and he's been driving in runners like money-changers from a temple.
Listen: In May, he hit .214. In June, he hit .283. In July, he's hitting .383. And get this... for the season, with runners in scoring position, he's hitting .308.
Another couple weeks of hitting like this -- if breaketh .300 down there -- we won't have to worry about trading for a DH. And we might thank God the deal never went down.
Excuse me, but isn't Jesus the same person as God?
ReplyDeleteDon't they both hit from the right side?
Are there two of them, or just the one?
Why don't they ever use their last name, anyway?