Monday, July 12, 2010

Scientific analysis of whether Yanks 6-1 streak is tied to Mel Gibson's race rant

If not for Saturday's loss -- (apparently, Joba didn't get the memo) -- we'd be on a 7-game tear, which commenced immediately following a racist warbling by this beloved, Jew-hating Aussie star of screen and LAPD booking cells.

Certainly, the top Tobacco Institute scientist inside each of us cannot overlook the timing: As soon as Brayheart blew, we snapped off five easy wins.

QUESTION: Is this coincidence... or a link to the Juju gods?

DISCUSSION: Celebrity racial tirades are almost as rare as Hollywood double-homicides. This is good. Nobody wants the guy who just saved earth from an asteroid to then complain about having had to save those stinking Eskimos. Even if it ensures a Yankee winning streak, we would feel bad rooting for our great stars to grace celebrity fundraisers with Dick Cheney-at-Thanksgiving-dinner race tirades.

Still... a Yankee win is a Yankee win. Don't forget that. A win... is a win.

HISTORY: Beloved, African-hating ex-Seinfeld chattle Michael Edwards popped off in November 2006, shortly after the Redsocks won the World Series. No connection.

Beloved China-hater Rosie O'Donnell bubbled up in December 2006 after the Redsocks won the World Series. Hmmm.

Beloved woman-groper Arnold Schwarzenegger mirthfully discussed those spicey, hot-blooded, tiger-in-bed Latinos in September 2006, as the Redsocks were moving toward the World Series.

Beloved black-hating bounty hunter Dog Chapman went thermonuclear in October 2007, as the Yankees fell apart.

SECONDARY QUESTION: Last week, beloved liberal-hater Rush Limbaugh also popped off. He claimed Obama deliberately tanked the U.S. economy to pay Whitey back for 2040 years of listening to 300-pound slobs tell them what they're doing wrong. Could Limbaugh's pop off -- and not Gibby's -- have silently triggered the Yankee win rage?

IMPLICATION: If Limbaughian race rants cause Yank win streaks... WE'RE IN!

Print the tickets. We're going to the Series. He's good for 10-per-season.

But bevare: Limbaugh is a KC Royals fan. George Brett cleans his pool. Remember that story about Albert Einstein, being asked by that student if his formula on the chalkboard could produce a bomb. Einstein mulled the question, walked to the front of class and erased the equations. What if Limbaugh realizes his role in Yankee victories?

FINAL CONCLUSION: Inconclusive.

Do not discuss this with anyone. Should we sign Don Imus to a multi-year?

2 comments:

  1. Duque, the Red Sawx won the World Series (can't believe I just typed that) in 2007, not 2006. In 2006 the, um... let me look that up... ah, yes, the Cards beat the Tigers. I think the results are even more inconclusive than they were before.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Statistics? DON'T BOTHER ME WITH YOUR USELESS STATISTICS! THE TRUTH CANNOT BE COMPUTED WITH STATISTICS!

    I have a mental block about that season.

    ReplyDelete

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