Yankees unveil new Javy Vazquez game promotion for upper deck seating

The Yankees yesterday revealed a package exciting new incentives for fans to buy tickets online at the last minute, and sitting so far away the players resemble ants on a popsickle.

JAVY VAZQUEZ MOONSHOT CRUSHED BALL DAY.

The last 100 ticket buyers in attendance will receive:

1. A telescope,
2. Bottle Oxygen
3. Map of Yankee Stadium, so they can see where home plate should be
4. The chance to pry a lopsided baseball out of their friend's ribs, courtesy of whatever veteran DH happens to be swinging out of his diaphragm against Yankee pitcher Javy Vazquez.

The moonshot giveaways will be held every fifth day at the Stadium, and for a limited time only Yankee fans will receive a Javy Vazquez Radio Shack radar gun, which measures up to 70 mph -- perfect to rate the Yankee hurler. Hurry, tickets are literally flying out of the park.

This week's winner: Diane Pavlick.