Girardi's greatest 2010 ACLS achievement: "... No attacks on America during my term."

NEW YORK _ Yank manager Joe Girardi -- acknowledging his team's unexpectedly disasterous, pathetic blowout losses, one after another, at the hands of a middling AL West franchise linked to offshore drilling -- sad he's proud that terrorists didn't attack America, kill millions and launch World War III during his 2010 ACLS.

"In that regard, I consider the series a complete success!" a jubilant Girardi told reporters, as he took a victory lap Sunday and cleaned out his locker, once and for good. Several times, Girardi raised the famous information "binder" that led to his legendary decision-making prowess. "Somehow -- I think it was through Marcus Thames -- we staved off worldwide genocide!"

Giradi said his decisions to leave Phil Hughes in too long, to pitch AJ Burnett too much, to bring in David Robertson too often and to lose to Texas -- a four-game sweep somehow splayed out over six painful games -- played a secret role in ensuring America's safety.

"I thought of missing the playoffs entirely, because we'd draft higher and make it easier to justify buying Cliff Lee, but that's not Yankee baseball," Girardi said. "And if people are mad about the final outcome, well, if those damn terrorists blew up the world, there would be no World Series! Has anybody thought of that?"