From the opium haze of Internet blogging ether comes the stunning news that Brian Cashman -- the ever vigilant, Larry Kingesque, steel-trap human computer -- has discerned that the Yankees need a bullpen lefty.
This is, as the Scooter liked to say, "a biggie."
Evidently, the Power Southpaw Era of Boone Logan/Royce Ring is ending. We haven't seen this kind of change since Ronan Tynan lunked his mahogany wheels to Pedroiaville and called himself a Redsock fan. What tipped Cash off? Was it that Texas had four lefties, waiting to pick off our hitters one by one? Or was it that Logan in the playoffs resembled the Randy Choate of 2001?
Why such a blindspot on lefties? It's the Kei Igawa Memorial Sinkhole. Of course, Iggy, you might recall, received a brief audition as bullpen lefty last spring. Then the Yankees moved him back into the Scranton rotation. Why? Dunno.
OK-- I know what you're thinking, and you're right: I'm not in Scranton. I'm no Eilland. Our coaches in Scranton have more pitching knowledge in their poop than I do, lounging on the mountaintop in my carnal hotbath with the hot groupies who are drawn to Yankee bloggers like mosquitos to bare-assed Haitians. You're right. But why let Igawa take up space when he embodies exactly what we need. WE KNOW THIS: He'll never start for us. Trade him. Cut him. Send him to Charleston. The one outside chance -- one in a billion -- is that he works up a secondary pitch and becomes a LOOGY. But we had him starting. Why? Why? Why? Dunno.
So we're looking for an unhittable power lefty, just as we have been doing since Graeme Lloyd.
Folks, that was 1996. Fourteen years. Good call, Cash! Glad to know you're on this.
How about Mike Dunn or Phil Coke?
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