SHOCK ENDING: Jeet and Mo may re-sign afterall

Wow. Stunner. You can't predict baseball. After all the hateful, mocking, sensationally hurtful invective... who saw this? Signings...

Unbeleebabo! After a month of talk radio jibberish, blogiverse blabbery and Back Page Photoshopped constipation, the Yankees may keep Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera after all!

Seems hard to believe, especially after reading about that gut-wrenching war of words -- breathlessly waxed upon by a nothing-else-to-write-about-and-copy-to-file Yankiverse. If the media covered foreign affairs the way the Yankiverse reported Jeter's negotiations, Americans wouldn't need Wikileaks to learn that Hamid Karzai is the Charles Rangel/Tom Delay of Afghanistan.

So now they say Jeet's on the table and Mo's in the stable -- and it's news? Those hideous statements -- "He is free to test the waters -- now seared into the forehead of the Yankiverse like the hot iron used on Chuck Connors breasts in "Branded"  -- will soon be a fading memory, like Chad Gaudin? Was it just Jeet being Jeet?

Listen: There is one issue this winter, and don't let them obscure it.

They want us to curl up and lick our balls because we signed Mo and Jete. Well, we're not Yankee fans because we keep players. We're Yankee fans because we get players. 

And there is one sure way to win the World Series 2011.

Sign Cliff Lee.

There's no Plan B.