1. If there is one athlete in America capable of handling GQ mush-brain crapola -- or all fawning, pretzel-spined media crapola, for that matter -- it is our own Captain Coverboy. (Tom Brady in 2nd place.)
2. We're heard no signs that he's photographed oogling his Arod in the mirror.
3. It's early. The juju taint from appearing on an elitist, materialistic, one-dimensional, morally offensive, tree-killing glossy celebrity-tab sheet should wear off by June. (GQ wanted Alphonso last fall; he refused.)
4. This explains why Jeter's $100 million mansion/theme park has a firepit.
5. Thus far, we haven't traded Eduardo Nunez.
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