Friday, April 1, 2011

'27 Redsocks to open season with hard liquor for happy fans

The frozen head of Ted Williams is smiling today! When the fabled Murderer's Hose of Cameron & Scutero takes the home field next week, Ted's faithful Boston tipplers -- and their free-swingin' livers -- will be enjoying a special family treat: All that hard liquor they've been denied in past pennant quests.

The team wants permssion from Sin City itself to sell Bosocks booze, leading the way for what everyone knows is coming.

But alcohol and Fenway fans have not always mixed well. In 2005, after a four-year period during which the Red Sox added sixteen stands where beer is sold, a surge in complaints about inebriated fans and a scuffle between a fan and Yankees leftfielder Gary Sheffield prompted the team to nearly double its staff of alcohol compliance supervisors.


Yes, in the name of Victoria Snelgrove, delighted Bostonians will soon be "Schilling swilling" to their hearts' content, "We Wanna Sip, We Wanna Sip..."

The Greatest Team is Baseball History opens its season today. Sports Illustrated predicts they'll win the AL East by 8 games, with Jon Lester winning Cy Young and Carl Crawford as MVP.

It's going to be fun.
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 1, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    There is no such thing as coincidence.

    Magic Number: 27.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Joe De PastryApril 1, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    CURSE OF THE BELTRENO?
    SHOCKING UPSET: 2011 WORLD CHAMPION RED SOX 5, TEXAS 9!
    2011 Cy Young winner Lester allows 5 runs, 3 HR, in 5 1/3 innings! 2011 AL MVP Crawford goes 0 for 4, Ks thrice, strands 5! Future Hall of Fame closer Bard surrenders 4 runs in 8th, suffers loss!
    Nation declares day of mourning; Tea Party demands investigation of umpires and elimination of their pensions and health benefits.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 1, 2011 at 11:43 PM

    The Mitchell Committee is re-assembling as we speak.

    ReplyDelete

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